Nova: My random thoughts and life experiences

Another delay, but I finally made it

2006-08-22T09:31:00.000-07:00

Fucked up quote of the day: "Do these shitheads EVER saw when they're coming back?!" - Me pissed off that the DHL guy came with my replacement phone while I was out and didn't even leave a return time. Come to think of it, DHL drivers never do.

Now Spinning: "One Thing" by Amerie

Well, after two delays I finally was able to get my ass out to New Orleans last weekend to be with my baby. Things didn't exactly go smoothly Friday night, I'll let you guys read her blog for that info, but Saturday definitely made up for it. And regardless of what she tells you nice folks at home..........she started it. I just finished it. :D Just being able to cuddle at the hotel was great, but I'm not gonna front like the sex wasn't good too. lmao Anyway, I was kinda paranoid with ChiChi being a virgin and all, so to say that I was trying to be extra gentle might be an understatement. It took a little while, but I'm really glad that she enjoyed it. What was funny to me was that after she came the first time she was ready to go to sleep. LMAO So I held her while she slept for a little while until she woke up and was ready to go again. Oh and uh....to all the guys out there, be careful if your girl is a squirter cuz she almost put my eye out. I can't wait 'til I get done with basic training so I can make my return to my baby and the Big Easy. I'll actually have some of my usual wild shit to say later tonight. PEACE MUHFUCKAS!

Friday is the day!

2006-07-23T17:40:00.000-07:00

Fucked up quote of the day: "Oh don't mind that grunt, it was just me squashin' off a big ol' shit-log." - Dimebag informing me of his activities when I called 'em earlier today.......I promptly hung up.

Now Spinning: "Fly Away" by Izawa Asami (Yeah I listen to J-Pop, what of it?)

What's goins on folks? Sorry I've been MIA, I promise to update with something amusing tonight or tomorrow morning. But just had to put out there that I'm goin' to N.O. to see my baby Chi-Chi this friday. With that said, don't be surprised if we both have X-rated stories to tell between this coming weekend and next monday.

Freak-nasty meme

2006-06-27T21:07:00.000-07:00

1. HAVE YOU GOTTEN LAID IN 2006?
Not yet. But I plan to get my fill when I go to visit the missus. (evil grin)

2. EVER HAD SEX IN A PUBLIC PLACE?
nah, nearly gettin' caught ain't the hotness

3. EVER LAUGH DURING SEX? IF SO WHY?
One time cuz the girl I was with came so hard that she jumped off. I personally thought it was HILARIOUS!

4. EVER CRY DURING SEX? IF SO WHY?
HELL NO! If so, somethin's hurtin' like a muthafucka!

5. DO YOU LIKE TO CUDDLE AFTER SEX?
If it was good and/or with my woman. If it was bad I bail dammit.

6. EVER REGRET SEX WITH SOMEONE?
A friend of mine....that is all. ChiChi knows about this. (smh)

7. EVER FAKED AN ORGASM?
Yes, see above question.

8. DIRTY TALK, OR SHUT THE FUCK UP?
I TALK REAL DIRTY DAMMIT. MY EXPERIENCE SHOWS WOMEN LOVE IT! (evil laugh)

9. EVER HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX:
Yes. Have I've been tested? Yes. I need to get a civilian test though.

10. EVER MASTERBATE TO YOUR FRIEND'S SIGNIFICANT OTHER?
No.

11. EVER HAVE A ONE NIGHT STAND?
Too paranoid for that.

12. HOW BOUT A 3-SOME?
Too much goin' on at one time for me.

13. EVER WATCH PORN DURING SEX?
Nah, but me and ChiChi might make one or two.....dozen. >:)

14. EVER THOUGHT OF SOMEONE ELSE DURING SEX?
lol nah

15. HAS THE CONDOM EVER BROKE?
Once

16. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARASSING SEXUAL EXPERIENCE?
(shrugs)

17. HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU LOST YOUR VIRGINITY?
17

18. WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE SEX WITH RIGHT NOW?
ChiChi

19. DO YOU THINK THAT number 18 IS POSSIBLE?
Fuck yea baby

20. ARE YOU HORNY NOW?
Not at the moment

21. WOULD U HAVE SEX WITH THE PERSON THAT POSTED THIS?
Hypothetically, GP could get da bidness if I was single.

Dammit we gotta do better

2006-06-21T09:51:00.000-07:00

Fucked up quote of the day: "What's that super queer want? LOL" - My dad after I told 'em that Macintosh called the house and wanted to see how everyone was doing.

Now Spinning: "Getaway Car" by Tobymac

Y'know, I love my black folks I really do, but some of you guys really need to stop some of the shit you do. ESPECIALLY on film. This is a tribute (with commentary of course) to the ghetto, hood-rich, and just plain niggerish. I might just put some non-black folks in here just to prove a point. LMAO

Why couldn't I get this lucky when I was six?

Damn Whitney's lookin' rough!

Get it kid! Get it! She'll get in trouble before you will!

Cute but.......IF IT DOESN'T FIT YOU MUST AQUIT!

What....in.....the....HOT HELL?!

LMAO! FTFO! I'mean GET A ROOM!

That's one way mommy can take care of daddy and baby simultaneously. She sucky sucky, love you long time in front of baby!

WTF is this? The damn ghetto Sprite ad?

........I have nothing to say. That is all.

I'm sorry, but anybody wearing this has GOTTA know they look like a damned fool!

Nova's Slap-Nuts Theatre!

2006-06-20T20:11:00.000-07:00

Ladies and Gentlemen, today's post is gonna be a lil' different as a treat to the 2 or 3 of you who still read my dribble. In this update I shall be reprising my role as Henchman and Dookie Dick (aka Darryl aka Dimebag) will be helping me to review various porn titles.

Henchman: And our first title for tonight is the wonderful "Ass Appeal." I for one thought that this was well worth the $10 I spent on it. Whaddaya think Dookie?

Dookie Dick: OH YES! BROWN EYE! But I gotta say man, I was kinda disappointed that they were goin' into that evil pink place.

HM: Uh....whaddaya mean EVIL pink place?

DD: Shit man, that thing makes babies! The brown won't steer you wrong! BROWN EYE TODAY! BROWN EYE TOMORROW! BROWN EYE FOREVER!

HM: Uh.....yea, um moving right along. Our next video is "Big Booty Revenge." And as a fan of nice asses, this one was right up my alley.

DD: Oh man I wanna get in every one of dem asses too! Give it to me baby, give it to me baby! Man I whacked off so hard to this flick last night it was a sin. I think my dick started to dry-heave.

HM: DAMMIT DOOKIE NOBODY WANTS TO KNOW THAT! JESUS CHRIST MAN TMI!

DD: I think I feel asleep with it still in my hand and...

HM: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SHUT YOUR DAMNED PIE-HOLE! (sighs and breathes) Ok.....next up folks is Phatty Girls 5. For all of you out there who love sexy chocolate women gettin' their freak on, this one is NOT to be missed.

DD: Oh man I'd love to go balls-deep in Diana Devoe's ass. Can you imagine how tight her asshole probably is? I bet it'd make my dick explode!

HM: (sobbing) Why God? Why do I have to put up with this shit? What'd I do to deserve this?

DD: I'll be right back man I'm gonna go watch the first scene of the next flick and rub one out.

HM: (choking back vomit) Yeah man, you do that. Our next film is "Whores of the Orient." Full of beautiful asian women, this one's sure to please anybody who's into a lil' bit of asian spice.

DD: (coming back into the review room) Whew-wee! That was a monster load man! I think I'm on empty now.

HM: SHUT UP MAN!

DD: I love this movie, all those dirty little asians. Oh yes, with their tight little asian browns.

HM: What the HELL is your fascination with makin' the brown-eye blue? Y'know what nevermind. Our last video for review for tonight actually features a friend of mine. Ms. Jia, I'mean Kina Kara. The video is "Doin It Big." While I feel the video is hot and well-done, it was kinda awkward watching a homegirl "get jiggy wit it."

DD: Man o man, nice round asses galore! When's your homegirl gonna do an anal scene? I think it'd be pretty hot to see her take it in the ass.

HM: As far as I know she's not into gettin' blammed in the pooper dawg.

DD: Aw man....

HM: Well folks we hope you enjoyed yourselves tonight at Slap-Nuts Theatre! See ya around everybody!

DD: BROWN EYE IS THE PATH TO ENLIGHTENMENT!

Holy Jumpin' Fuckin' Shitballs!

2006-06-02T19:51:00.000-07:00

Fucked up quote of the day: "Why're these people allowed to breed?" - Me talking to Darryl about some of the more "interesting" individuals we went to college with. Hey if you knew those dipshits you'd understand.

Now Spinning: "Kotowari" (instrumental)

Man has anybody seen some of the wild shit on the news lately? For those not in the know, an elderly couple has been arrested and brought up on charges for, wait for it................putting out a hit on their grandkids. No I didn't make that shit up. But here's the really fucked up part, apparently they did it cuz they were pissed off that the kids exposed that their father (the couple's son) molested them for the past four years. Maybe it's just me, but dammit I say it's their son who needs to get fucked up, not their grandkids. Oh well, the kids are safe and hopefully daddy, grandpa and grandma will each become fresh cell-block bitches. Otis! Y'got fresh meat comin' buddy!

And then some lady got busted for repeatedly locking her 13 year old grandson in a kennel while she went to work, etc. for 11+ hours at a time. Look, I know there's some badass kids out there, but I can't think of any who do shit bad enough to deserve THAT on a regular basis. Where do these people get their fuckin' parents skills, Pookie da Pimp?

Shit like this is exactly why I couldn't commit suicide. I'm too entertained watching the folks out there, the true fuckin' face of America. (Inhales deeply) Ahhhh.......nothing says entertainment like being in a world full of psychos and misfits.

Guess who's back in da muddafuckin' house!

2006-05-11T19:34:00.000-07:00

Fucked up daily quote: "Man, I took a shit earlier that made my ass burn." - Dimebag giving me a lil' TMI earlier.

Now Spinning: "Work" by The Roots

Yea, yea I know I know, I've been gone for fuckin' ever. Cut me some slack folks these past two weeks I've been busier than a hooker on payday. But back in my typical ranting, raving fashion I'm gonna spill about some recent news that's on my mind.

Sick polygamist bastard:
Will somebody PLEASE kill this sick fuck? I'mean really, my problem isn't even the fact that he's a polygamist, even though I deplore polygamy. Oh no, my problem with this sick bastard is that he goes out of his way to break of the families of his "followers" to assigns husbands to wives as he sees fit. Not only that, but he exiles the young men of the cult at will, some of whom where his relatives, and has his sect brainwashed into believing that not following his orders will ensure them an eternity in hell. See, shit like this is why, even though I believe in God, I'm not a big fan of organized religion.......too often shit like this debacle gets spawned.

American Idol debacle:

I'm not really sure what happened here but to dude that got voted off.......sucks to be you man.

Rise and run?:
This one's kinda funny to me. Apparently some lady in LA has been attempting to sue multiple clients over disabled citizens access. Obviously, the lady's in a wheelchair so you can see where her complaints would come from. But what's this? The bitch ain't even crippled. When the cops presented her with charges of fraud the dumbass got up and ran. Lesson folks, if you're gonna bullshit people.....at least try to keep up the facade when you get your ass busted. LMAO

Lemme stop before my brain melts. This shit is just too much for me to handle and it's making my blood boil. (Throws up two middle-fingers) I'm out dis bitch!

Fuckin' Idiots I tells ya

2006-04-26T20:36:00.000-07:00

Daily fucked up quote: "Get yo shit and get OUT bitch!" - Me tellin' Dimebag what the boss should've said to his co-worker that got laid off for gross incompetence today.

Now Spinning: "All I Know" by Field Mob

Gaht damn! A fuckin' WEEK since I updated. (sighs) Well I guess I just didn't have much to say. Has anybody out there heard about the college freshman in PA who was found dead in a landfill? Ok apparently some white boy got shit-faced beyond belief and jumped into a chute-tube leading to a trash-compactor. Needless to say, his injuries were consistent with somebody being crushed to death. (smh) I dunno what in the fuck possesses people to do such dumb shit when they're drunk.

And here's another one Dimebag just told me about. Apparently in Greenville, SC there was a gang brawl that carried on for like a mile. But oh the shit gets better folks, these idiots were fighting with blunt knives. (sighs) And the names of these gangs you ask? One is known as the I-85s and the other the Highway 44s. Thankfully a shitload of these fuckin' morons were arrested, I swear I dunno what to say about people anymore.

Random shit

2006-04-16T21:24:00.000-07:00

Fucked up quote of the day: "Man, fuck him. Fuck 'em!" - ChiChi talkin' about her sorry-ass uncle. My baby was goin' OFF guys! LMAO!

Now Spinning: "Street Tough" by Ben E. King

I know it's been over a week. Y'boy been busy as hell. You guys missed me right? (deafening silence) Assholes..... Anyway, I saw some of the Spring Bling foolishness on BET and this one chick had some of the LONGEST toes I've EVER seen! Shit, looked like she had damn fingers on her feet. Seriously, I was wondering if she could swing from trees with her damn feet like she had opposable thumbs on those muhfuckas. Part of me was tempted to throw her ass a banana. And what made it so bad is that she was actually cute from the ankles up.

And speaking of exposed body parts, am I the only one that remembers a few years ago when Fat Joe was on MTV's Spring Break singing a song with Ashanti and running around on stage with no damn shirt on? It's a damn shame when you're standing up and STILL have the nasty-ass plumber crack showing to the world. What made the shit so funny to me was when he tried to hug Ashanti and she kinda pushed 'em away. Shit, I don't blame ol' girl, who wants to hug a big, greasy, walking cupcake? Gives a whole new meaning to his nickname, Joey Crack huh?

In other news, ChiChi's uncle has pissed her the fuck off. Ol' boy STILL hasn't given her DVDs back, it's been a month or longer I think, and he had the nerve to get pissed off at her for asking about 'em. Ok maybe it's just me, but I'd think that a person has the right to ask about the where-abouts of THEIR shit right? Ok, just checkin'. Ol' damn tamborine playin' ass. And just between us folks, I think he sold her merchandise. Gotta love my black people.

That's it for tonight. Tune in tomorrow for my next update. Same fucked up time, same fucked up channel. I'm out dis bitch muhfukers!

Newsflash: I'm an asshole!

2006-04-05T20:24:00.000-07:00

Fucked up quote of the day: "I bet she'd easily get in thanks to her oral skills though. Seriously man, something tells me the football team knows her on a first-name basis." - Me talkin' about this REALLY dumb broad who I'm trying to tutor for the ASVAB. My recruiter said she wasn't the sharpest tack but SHIT, there's NO reason to have trouble with basic multiplication tables as a damned senior in highschool. (kicks rocks)

Now spinning: "Colors" by Crossfade

When I'm not working out, cussing enough to make a Vietnam vet blush, downloading enough free porn to fill a damned Bat-Cave, playing video games 'til my brains leak outta my ears or in the kitchen doing my black Emeril impression, one can find me being an overtly blunt and, at times, obscene muhfucker. No I don't mean obscene as in running around outside naked touching myself, moreso in the "HOLY SHIT DID HE JUST SAY THAT?!" sense. Over the years I've gotten a bit better about saying the first thing that comes to my mind, but there's still those times when I let loose and then think, "Hmmmm.........maybe I shouldn't have said that. Oh well, fuck it."

The lunchroom incident - This little uh....faux paus occured back in 9th grade. See, me and some of the boys were grubbin' and Johnny decides to tell us about this chick who he's tryin' to get at. Problem is....ol' girl was an UBER-SLUT. So he's giving us the spill on how the were basically kissing and groping at a recent pool party, while simultaneously making me wanna hurl, when two of our female friends sit down with us and ask what we're talking about. Me being the honest and often tactless bastard that I am, I turned to them and immediately said, "Ah just some hoe Johnny wants to fuck..." Yeah....bad choice of words, I know. It was HILARIOUS to see everyone's reaction though. Johnny stormed off from the table pissed off, he got over it by the next day, and Eddie looks at me while laughing hysterically and asks, "Man could you POSSIBLY have said that any MORE bluntly?" Hey, dammit I didn't tell them about what went on at the pool party he told us about so the shit COULD have been worse.

Roommate from hell - I don't think anyone who knew my roommate during my freshman year of college can blame me, but I was blunt with this asshole, even for me. Lemme put it into context folks, this guy seriously thought he was God's gift to women. And dude has the NERVE to tell me he's more buff than I am. (slams on the brakes) I was like, "Muhfucker you're PUFFY! There's a big damn difference between puffy and buff! And while we're at it, negroe you go to the gym and bench 225 lbs. 3 times like you did some shit while I go in there and bang out 4 sets of 4 with it. How 'bout you bite my ass?!" M'boy David overheard that lil' outburst and uh....he was quite amused. There's a lot of other hateful things I said to this bonified shithead but dammit he deserved every bit of it. I hope he fails at life. :D

PR? Are you fuckin' serious? - I had a conversation with a good friend about my decision to go into the Navy and eventually retire as an NCO (Non-Commissioned Officer i.e. upper-level enlisted). It was funny because halfway through the conversation he said he saw me as a Warrant Officer. See the thing about Warrant Officers is that they do their job but are, for the most part, outside the chain of command. I'mean, I see his point cuz I am kinda like that but being that I'm a natural leader I think I can do some good being in the chain. But when he told me that it'd be funny to see me as a PR Warrant Officer, my reaction was, "Who in the FUCK told you THAT'D be a good idea? I'd do LESS damage with my finger on the button of a nuclear warhead! D'you know how many people I'd likely piss off in a fuckin' WEEK?!" I've got such a way with words.

Leprechauns? WTF?

2006-04-03T16:39:00.000-07:00

Fucked up daily quote: "I only do the black porn with a plot." - My homegirl Dee talkin' about what kind of porn she watches. One question though, since when does porn have a plot?

Now Spinning: "Katrina Clap" by Mos Def

In the midst of the mess with those assholes on the Duke's lacrosse team, I thought I'd post something to lighten the mood a lil' bit. Y'know make people happy again. (puts on my court jester uniform) So folks, how many of you out there believe in leprechauns? You don't? Aight dammit, don't say shit when Lucky beats ya ass with a box of cereal screamin' "It's magically delicious muhfucker!" Just remember that Nova tried to warn dat ass and yous guys ain't wanna listen.

Leprechaun my ass

Leprechaun remix

Alright, now that everyone's IQ has dropped 20 points, how're you guys feelin? Granted that shit was entertaining, I can't help but feel dumber after having seen it. I'mean really, only ONE dude in the entire newscast had any damn sense. (sighs) THIS is why we can't rise as a people.

Ms. Loose Booty

2006-03-27T10:33:00.000-08:00

I was on the phone with my baby (ChiChi for the uninformed) the other night and she made a comment that was rather amusing. So in honor of her comment I decided to revise a popular song.

VDs, VDs, VDs, VDs, hoppin’ everywhere,
VDs, VDs, VDs, VDs, hoppin’ everywhere,
VDs, VDs, VDs, VDs, hoppin’ everywhere,
Hoppin’ everywhere, hoppin’ everywhere,

They found you, Ms. Loose Booty
Get it together, don’t bring it back to me
Hit the clinic up, for ‘bout a month or two
Get some medicine then see what it do
They found you, Ms. Loose Booty
Get it together, don’t bring it back to me
Hit the clinic up, for ‘bout a month or two
Get some medicine then see what it do

Get it right, get it right, shit ain’t tight
Get it right, get it right, shit ain’t tight
Get it right, get it right, shit ain’t tight
Get it right, get it right, shit ain’t tight

Trick I don’t need you, but you want me
Take it off, watch it flop kinda nastily
And I don’t tell stories, I let ‘em tell theyself
And girl you proof dat sex sells itself,
Like nothin’ else, Yeah I’m a city boy,
But loose bottoms don’t bring me joy
Ain’t life grand?, live it up Betty
Here go the whisper song, baby this is us, ready
Stop that mess you do, you do it clumsily
And I ain’t want it, that thang chose me
Girl ya coochie's nickname is VD

What I'd do if I won the lottery

2006-03-23T16:09:00.000-08:00

Fucked up quote of the day: "I tried to tell ya ass that muhfucka wasn't crazy. I bet you anything he was trying to get away from the Hollywood bullshit. And besides, he's not dumb enough to just walk away from a $50 million payday." - Me talking about Chapelle's "disappearance" a few months ago due to "mental instability." Yeah fuckin' right.

Now Spinning: "The Panties" by Mos Def

I always have to just sit for a minute and shake my head in disbelief at the shit rich people just throw away money on. Maybe it's because I wasn't born stinkin' rich and probably never will be, but I've always believed in making the most of your cashflow. That said, I couldn't see myself going out and buying a bunch of extravagant shit. So if I hit one of those $10+ million lotteries, here's what I'D do with that kind of money.

Buy a nice house. And hell no I don't mean some M.C. Hammer shit with gold faucets, marble sinks and an indoor waterfall. Just a nice, two-story brick house with 4 bedrooms, 2.5 baths and a garage. Shit, you could get a house like that for $300K on the high end.

Buy a new BMW M6. I sure as hell wouldn't do it if I wasn't rich, but as a millionaire I wouldn't mind buying ONE $85K car in my lifetime. Granted I'd make DAMN SURE to keep that thing in good running shape for at least 10-12 years though. (shrugs) I'mean we'd all treat ourselves to at least ONE thing that isn't a necessity if we're rich, right?

Buy some condos. Nothing like having a little extra income from renting out property folks. Granted I plan on buying 2 or 3 condos while I'm in the service anyway, but if I was rich I could go ahead and buy 'em outright rather than one at a time.

Invest, Invest, INVEST. Stocks, bonds, mutual funds and precious metals. I figure I'd drop a cool $1-2 mil into my investment portfolio. Nothing like having assets folks. :D

Buy my parents and sister homes and new cars. Self-explanatory, gotta take care of ya fam.

Put a home theater and customized kitchen in my new house. Two things I love are cooking and electronics so these are a MUST in my dream home. As long as I've got these two bases covered, then the S.O. can decide what she wants to do with the rest of the house, doesn't bother MY ass.

Gripes, bitches and complaints

2006-03-22T20:32:00.000-08:00

Fucked up daily quote: "That hoe ain't worthy to lick my ASSHOLE!" - Me talkin' to Dimebag about this one chick on campus that used to want to get at me. As you can tell from the quote, ol' girl was quite the hoe and it really didn't help that she wasn't that cute and yet SWORE out that she was da muhfuckin' heat. LMAO

Now Spinning: "Blue Black Jack" by Mos Def

Maybe I'll post something tomorrow that doesn't involved a list, but here ladies and gents is a series of things that are pissing me off.

1. Guys who can't tell you about a phone-call they got with giving you the lil' damn hand-phone gesture. Hey slapnuts......I don't need a fuckin' visual-aid to understand that you got a call. But y'know, I'm proud of you idiots for having such excellent hand-eye coordination. Now how 'bout doing something more constructive with it? Like uh.......I dunno.......driving into the nearest lake perhaps?

2. People with the bass in their car cranked to the point that I feel vibrations in the floor IN MY APARTMENT. (sighs) Look dammit, I know a lotta folks out there wanna see who's bass hits the hardest but when the shit is cranked to that point it makes me wanna snatch the subs/woofers outta your car and smash that shit in front of you. I'mean really, do you people WANT to be deaf at 30?! I've got damn good hearing and I don't need a bunch of ridiculously loud music to fuck that up for me. Capice?

3. People who're foolishly arrogant. Here's another thing I just can't wrap my head around. And what really gets me is that it's usually the biggest LOSERS that honestly believe they're God's gift to this blue and green ball we live on. Would full-frontal lobotomies be too extreme a method of dealing with these jerkoffs?

4. People who keep poppin' out babies they can't afford. This refers almost wholly to those of the white trailer-park persuasion. Please, for the love of God, if you can't support the child(ren) you ALREADY have how about NOT HAVING ANY MORE?! Shit, to me it's simple math: If I can only support two kids then I'm NOT gonna intentionally have more than that. The shit seems pretty stupid to me. Hell, maybe they do it for the extra welfare check or somethin'.

5. Gold/platinum/tin foil grills Oh man I hate this shit. I'm not gonna shit on what other people like....yea I will. If you were 'sposed to have all dat shit in ya mouth you'd have been BORN with it. And to make matters worse, those things make your breath smell like pure SHIT.

6. Classic cars with fucked-up mods. Y'know....there's a LOT of shit I hate to see done to cars, but something about seeing a classic with chrome spinners and lambo-style doors makes me wanna wretch. Stop fuckin' up good cars with bullshit modifications people!

GiTS quiz

2006-03-21T23:26:00.000-08:00

What can I say? I was bored.

Batou. You're most like Batou. Your the guy/girl who sorts out the shit for others, without asking questions. But deep inside you're a good and loyal soul.
Take this quiz!

Rambling thoughts......

2006-03-20T22:45:00.000-08:00

Fucked up quote of the day: "Drunk people puking and pissing on River Street in public? Welcome to Savannah during St. Patty's Day weekend man." - Me talking to A.J. after he told me that he'd gone to Savannah this past weekend for the St. Patrick's Day festivities. Y'could think of it as a mini-Mardi Gras. Well, minus pretty much everything but the food, alcohol and public foolishness.

Now Spinning: George Carlin: Life is Worth Losing

I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one whose mind wanders all over the place at any given time right? Shit, fuck ADD y'boy has certifiable AMASS (Absent Minded As Shit Syndrome). Hmmmm......AMASS......sounds kinda like Hamas don't it? AMASS, Hamas, AMASS, Hamas. Well now that I've offended the either nation's Israli or Palestenian population (or both) lemme get back to the point. Shit....what the hell WAS my point? Oh yeah, here's a list of some of the things that ran through my mind today. Deduce what you will but dammit you guys are all a lil' crazy too. :)

- Is it just me or does Michael Jackson look like a human Mr. Potato Head?
- Krystal gives you gas like you wouldn't BELIEVE.
- What ever happened to that dumbass dude on tv a few years back who tried to commit suicide but only succeeding in blowing his eyes outta his head?
- What was that ungodly aroma in the air as I passed Home Depot today?
- Mr. So-damn Insane needs to quit bitching, accept the death penalty and be happy.
- I wish those idiots outside would turn down that damned music. I don't wanna hear 50 Cent all fuckin' day.
- Scientologists are some WEIRD motherfuckers.
- I'm totally convinced that people, in general, will do ANYTHING.
- I could really go for some rum punch.
- Why is that crackhead approaching my car while it's MOVING?
- Rimjobs are the DEVIL! (Overheard somebody on campus talking about it)
- I hate it when my back itches....it's almost never a part of my back I can scratch.
- Wouldn't it be cool to build a modern Colesium and use violent felons for the gladiators?
- Pat Robertson is the bastard child of Satan.
- Mmmmm.......thems good fries.
- My right eyeball itches.

Is it worth the sacrifice?

2006-03-18T03:51:00.000-08:00

Y'know, I'm sitting here watching a special on CNN about child atheletes and it's making me sick to my fuckin' stomach. "Why?" you ask, well it's because I just can't believe how GOT-DAMN hard some of these parents and coaches are willing to push CHILDREN. FUCKING CHILDREN FOR CHRIST'S SAKE! I say that there's nothing wrong with pushing a child to extent if he/she wants to be a pro, but at least have the fucking decency to let the kid enjoy his/her childhood.

Hell, I've had my fair share of sports-related injuries from basketball, track and karate, but it still wasn't as bad as some of these kids on TV. ESPECIALLY not as bad as the gymnasts. I'mean what in the FUCK do they think a person is gonna accomplish competing on a broken limb? No answer folks? Well I'll tell ya. At the VERY least they'll get a compound fracture and who knows what other complications as an extra "prize." Shit, I know how to push through pain, but don't think for a fuckin' second that at 14 I was afraid to tell my coach/sensei that I was too badly hurt to compete. I love what I do and love to compete to this day, but I'll be DAMNED if I'm gonna risk my health doing it.

And it makes me wonder, do any of these parents feel even the slightest fuckin' INKLING of guilt when their son/daughter begins to equate their own self-worth with their performance in a sport? Sadly I doubt it. What's really fucked up to me is how obvious it is that the parents are at times pushing their kids so hard because they want to live through them. FUCK THAT SHIT! If I father kids then dammit they'll compete in sports because they WANT to, not because I'm trying to get a damned meal ticket.

We've got SUCH a long way to go

2006-03-14T19:59:00.000-08:00

Fucked up daily quote: "The best thing is you don't have to bring flowers." - George Carlin talking about necrophilia. LMAO

Now Spinning: "Bet Ya Can't Do It Like Me" by D4L - Truth be told, I don't like their songs, but my gf has got that damned song STUCK in my head I tell ya.

I was talking to a homeboy of mine today and somehow the topic strayed onto how humans are superior to animals. Funny, cuz I quickly informed my homeboy that while we have greater mental faculties, we really aren't all that superior to wild animals. Yes we've accomplished many impressive things, but a LOT of the shit we do you'll NEVER find animals doing. To quote George Carlin, "We're really SEMI-civilized creatures with guns and baseball caps." Here's a heart-warming look at our species' more extreme yet surprisingly common behaviors.

Murder - Last I checked, MAN is the only creature on God's green Earth that routinely kills for pleasure and personal gain. Seriously, how often have you seen/heard of wild animals killing for reasons other than survival? I can't think of a single instance. But o'boy can I think of quite a few times when we good ol' homo-sapiens went out and slaughtered for a mild chuckle. The most interesting method of murder to me y'ask? Assassination. Why? Because it seems that most people in history who were assassinated were those who told every to live in harmony. Jesus, MLK, Malcom X, John & Bobby Kennedy, Ghandi, etc. Hmmm....I guess we're not ready for peace in this world after all.

Necrophilia - Now here's some sick shit that I can't even BEGIN to wrap my head around. I'mean fucking a CORPSE?! WHAT.IN.THE.FUCK?! The lowest of vermin aren't known for this kinda whacky shit. Animals do not, I repeat DO NOT fuck their dead. A sewer rat will do some pretty disgusting shit, but it won't even occur to it to fuck another dead rat.

Torture - Ah...one of our species' great achievements. Why simply kill someone when you can bash their feet with a hammer or subject them to water torture? Oh but here's a REALLY creative torture technique that the Romans used: Seal a man in a burlap sack with a dog, a monkey and a snake and throw the sack into the river. Now I'll bet you anything that'd make for some fuckin' entertainment don't you?

Suicide - This isn't an attempt to make fun of anyone who's had this hit personally with this, it just intrigues me. I'mean, suicide takes too much damn planning for me. Gotta get prepped, get the note ready and all that shit. Man I've got too much to do to worry about fuckin' suicide. Oh and uh....to all the ladies out there who say they're the better sex, I'll have you know that men die from suicide in America 4x more than women even though women are tempted more. Y'know why? WE'RE BETTER AT IT! :D Dammit if killing yourself is worth doing it's worth doing right.

My brain's fried now so that's it for this one. I think I'm gonna go torture a cannibalistic necrophiliac. (shudders at the thought of cannibalism) Man you've gotta be REALLY fuckin' hungry to do that shit, I'mean no beef jerky for COUNTRIES! I tells ya with some of the wild shit we do it's no wonder aliens don't touch down, if we do this shit to our own imagine what we'd do to THEM. LMAO

Some of my quirks

2006-03-13T09:59:00.000-08:00

Fucked up daily quote: "He looks like he should've been born a woman." - Dimebag talkin' about his former room-mate Arya.

Now Spinning: "Oh No" by Mos Def and Pharoah Monc

Quirks, idiosyncracies, whatever you wanna call 'em we've all got 'em. Shit, I'll be the first to admit that I'm off my damn rocker (the 2nd is my gf but that's beside the point). So here folks, I'm giving a brief look into what makes me such an off-the-wall nut.

1. I've probably got ADD. While I've never been officially diagnosed and can actually be quite attentive when necessary, normally my mind's all over the fuckin' place. This is probably a big reason why my short-term memory is typically nothing short of abysmal. But the fact that I'm a walking brain cancels that out right? Um......doesn't it?

2. My typical tactlessness. While those who haven't dealt with me outside of a professional setting would NEVER guess this, I typically exhibit as much tact as a gang-bang video. I'mean, I'm getting better about it, but normally I exhibit an honesty that my uncle describes as "brutal." What can I say? Don't ask me shit if you don't wanna hear the truth. LMAO Oh and uh, while most of the things I say are quite amusing, they're about as appropriate as a fat boy running naked on the beach.

3. I've got a hellified stutter. Granted, most of the time my speech is clear and concise, but sometimes I get stuck on one damn syllable for like 3-5 seconds. I seriously think that my brain is moving at like 20 times the speed that my mouth is capable of. At least, that's what I keep telling myself.

4. I can be a lil' dark and brooding sometimes. One thing you'll NEVER hear me say is that I'm good at talking about how I feel. Usually, the best way for people who know me to tell something's on my mind is to look me in the eye. Aside from that, I'm usually a mystery. There are a few people that I easily open up to, but that's few and far-between.

5. I'm a 22 year old kid. Let's see, I enjoy anime, I play video games and I still sometimes (GASP) build Gundam models. (shrugs) What can I say? We all have our hobbies right? I figure I'm doing good since I can EASILY separate my hobbies from reality, I'm not one of those cats who runs around speaking Klingon and shit. But uh, don't get it twisted, I don't plan on giving up my hobbies. :D

6. I'm often amused by other people doing dumb shit. Seriously, I think EVERYONE laughs when they see the village idiot fall off a ladder, but shit I laugh when I see some idiot try to wheel a car like it's a Formula 1 and smash himself into a wall. (Notices all the shocked glares) What? It's not MY fault the dumbass tried to take a turn at 120mph and the shit didn't work out. No innocents hurt? Then dammit I'm at least chuckling.

Exposition on the theory of Fucktardist Negatism

2006-03-09T11:33:00.000-08:00

As I'm sure you all have learned by reading ChiChi's post, there is much to be said on the theory of Fucktardist Negatism. The purpose of this text is to merely expand upon the knowledge the reader should have again from reading the Ms. Chi's post. There are many symptoms of this surprisingly common disorder.

- Increased hostility: Not to be mistaken with the complex assholus extremus, this arises from the suffering party being corrected or simply things not going the person's way. It has been documented that many rich children (especially white rich children) suffer from severe cases of Fucktardist Negatism. This symptom can be readily identified by characteristic "hissy fits" and acts of full-on insubordination. Recommended course of action for this symptom is to hit the subject in the face with a brick until said person is quiet.

- Mannerism vertigo: This can best be described as a heightened state of Fucktardist Negatism. At this point, the subject has already exhibited increased hostility but now also seems incapable of controlling his/her own body movements. This is characterized by constant, wild flailing of the limbs and is often coupled with incoherent profanity. Those who have reached this state are often unable to understand simple commands as they are too busy being indignant to those around them.

- Cerebral defecation: Once the subject reaches this point, Fucktardist Negatism has run its course. There is no hope for the subject now and he/she would benefit greatly from a quick and painless death. This stage is similar to the cerebral degeneration associated with advanced syphilis and alzheimers disease. Said person is constantly spewing negatively like snake venom and finds it impossible to remember anything that happened more than 2 minutes prior. Subjects intelligence also inexplicably plummets to that of a retarded monkey with no hope of recovery. Documented subjects at this stage were noted as regularly asking, "Where's my stomach at?"

It is my great hope that those who have read this come away with a sense of enlightenment. Fucktardist Negatism is an incurable disease that many exhibit every day. If you see someone suffering from this condition please......hit that motherfucker in the head with a tire-iron....you'll be doing the world a favor. Thank you for your time ladies and gentlemen. Good night, and good luck.

Whadda ya think guys?

2006-03-08T14:13:00.000-08:00

Fucked up daily quote: "Fuck dat rich kid's school" - My cousin talkin' noise about my soon-to-be alma mater.

Now Spinning: "The Hidden Hand" by Fat Joe and Terror Squad

Just a quick one guys, I'm planning on getting a new car within the next year and just thought I'd get an opinion from the readers on what I should get. So I need all two of you to send some feedback. LOL

Civic Si

Accord V-6 Sedan

RX-8

BMW 325i

Lexus IS 250

I've got great news!

2006-03-07T23:52:00.000-08:00

Fucked up quote of the day: "Full of wholesome goodness and green peaness" - Maurice LaMarche playing Orson Welles in a pea commercial on The Critic.

Now Spinning: "Summer Nights" by Lil' Rob

That's right folks, ya boy's got great news! The freak's interest in me is on a sharp decline. I found out from Dimebag that Mr. Shim's boyfriend just got outta jail and is comin' onto ol' dude hard. As far as I'm concerned those two and ride off into the sunset and pound each other's assholes into oblivion. (breathing a sigh of relief) It's great when life works itself out ain't it?

Other great news:

- The Critic comes on tonight
- I got a great "good morning" message from my baby
- My former room-mate hasn't called me in almost a month
- At the rate he's going, nobody's gonna give a shit about 50 Cent in 3-4 years
- At this very moment, somebody who has no business procreating has taken themselves outta the gene pool
- I can almost do a full split again
- The locking mechanism in my car's driver-side door has been repaired
- Society's more interesting characters are still providing us all with quality entertainment day-in and day-out

Random thoughts and other wacky shit

2006-03-06T21:13:00.000-08:00

Fucked up quote of the day: "I took her to McDonalds last weekend, I even let her super-size it." - Dimebag commenting on how the chick he's messing with was upset that he doesn't take her anywhere.

Now Spinning: "I Am" by Crush 40

1. Am I only one who thinks that our Vice-President dumped on dude intentionally?

2. What is it with people inventing all these strange sexual deviancies? Is this an America-only problem or is it world-wide?

3. Has anybody else out there ever burped and farted at the same time? That shit hurts.

4. Why is it that females use tissue and we dudes always pick our nose?

5. How in the HELL did those idiots at Hinesville Ford mis-diagnose my car AGAIN?!

6. Why do most American vehicles in recent years suck donkey balls?

7. How many people besides me think Bill O'Reilly is an absolute shit-eating bastard?

8. Crack-heads are funny. Y'know they are.

9. Meth-fiends are outright HILARIOUS! C'mon, how many other people do you know that'll happily make fools of themselves just because they can?

The strange sexual shit people do

2006-03-02T11:04:00.000-08:00

Fucked up daily quote: "Imma need you to do better so we can do better." - My baby pickin' at me on the phone about my stutter. It's funny, when giving a briefing or something to a group of people, my speech is 100% clear and concise. Any other time, well....not so much.

Now Spinning: "The Internet is for Porn" by Avenue Q - For those who haven't heard this yet, download it IMMEDIATELY!

I was talkin' to a friend of mine last night and something hit me. People do some FUCKED UP shit to get their rocks off. I'mean, I know I'd like to be rubbed down in scented oils by 20 gorgeous asian midgets but that's pretty normal.....right? At any rate, I'm gonna make you guys hip to some of the wild shit that I KNOW about....God only knows the shit I haven't heard of yet.

Donkey punch: The way this works is that dude has to be gettin' a chick doggy-style and bring her almost to the point of orgasm. At this point dudes pulls it out, rams it in the girl's ass and punches her in the back of the head to knock her out. Doesn't that sound lovely?

Dirty Sanchez: This one is pretty fuckin' sick. Well....it is for those who DON'T like German shit-porn. Don't look at me like that, you guys know that Duestchland LOVES it's poo-smut. Anyway, this is where one of the participating parties shits on the other's chest, places their pinky finger in it and rubs it across the other person's upper lip. Thereby creating what seems to be a "dirty mexican" mustache.

Self-bondage: Y'know, I'm not even sure how the hell this would work. But then the thought of being bound and gagged during sexual activity REALLY doesn't appeal to me at all. What I DO know however, is that some people have died while attempting it.

Scarfing: Ah scarfing. The technical term for this foolishness is autoerotic asphyxia. Here's the deal, it's been proven that reduction in oxygen to the brain just before orgasm intensifies the sensation greatly due to an increase in the endorphins that're released. Another term for this is "erotic hanging." Basically dude in question stands on a chair with a noose around his neck fastened to the ceiling. From that point, he commences beating his dick and steps off the chair just before climax. Shit, good ol' REGULAR jackin' off is fine with me. I'mean think about it, for this to work y'gotta time it so that just before you nut, ya almost DIE! Sounds pretty fuckin' dumb to me. And yes, people die from this, roughly 1,000 a year. But hey, if you wanna attempt this stupid shit then do so by all means, you're probably doing the gene-pool a favor.

The cubicle life

2006-03-01T15:17:00.000-08:00

Fucked up daily quote: "It's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care" - Peter talking to the consultant guys in Office Space.

Now Spinning: "That's Love" by Rehab

As I sit here watching one of my favorite movies of all time, Office Space, it re-affirmed my belief that I could NOT stand to be a cubicle guy my entire career. Something about sitting in a small-enclosed desk area with who knows how many people all around me in the same dull, depressing environment sucks a mean one. For those who've been living under a rock, here's an example of a shitload of cubicles, aka a cubicle farm. However, when I think of a cubicle, it's not nearly as neat and pretty as the farm on the right. Wanna know what the hell I think of when I hear the word cubicle?

Yes, that shit-hole on the left is what cubicle brings to MY mind. Hell, I dunno what else to say, watch Office Space and you'll really understand. That movie really does capture what it's like to be a cubicle worker in corporate America.....all while making you laugh your ass off. Either that, or bone-up on Dilbert comics/cartoons.

Another wonderful Kroger night

2006-02-24T09:32:00.000-08:00

Fucked up quote of the day: "See....shit like this is why I refuse to visit once I'm gone." - Me after seeing some of the trademark rich white kids on campus actin' a damn fool.

Now Spinning: "Dark In Here" by Alien Ant Farm

Ok guys, this one is two days late but bear with me, I've been busy. At any rate, here's a few of the things recently witnessed at your favorite place and mine, KROGER. However, these events were not transcribed by me, they were written by Mike with me as the witness.

- All star classic. Now, anyone who knows me at work knows I always put up a sign on the card reading terminal that states "NO CASH BACK 10pm-7am." Well, this lady comes over and I ring up her items. She then gets to my sign and exclaims "No cash back? But that's the only reason I'm here!" So it apparently wasn't the $35 worth of items she brought to my line. I told her we had an ATM she could use and she declared that she wasn't going to pay $2-$3 for some money and also informed me that she didn't want any of the items. Well, she wandered off and I went about cleaning. She went to...dun dun dun..THE ATM! She came back to my register and while I was checking a customer out inquired if this was the same register she was just at. I, of course, told her yes. She was curious as to where her items were. I told her that the bag boy took them back. She then went and gathered the items again, came up to pay form them and left. So she did want the items and she was going to pay $2-$3 for some money. Interesting logic.

- Had this one woman come through with her EBT card. She asked me if I could check the balance on it. I was overjoyed. Finally someone who thinks! Well, turns out my joy was very short lived. In fact, the time it took her to shop. Now she was with her son, who is about 24ish, and a friend. Well, she gets to the register and then...she's lost the card. After several minutes of searching high and low, she finds the card. Finally she can check out and go home. Right? Wrong! She's forgotten her PIN number. So as she is going to call to get the number, I look at her son and make a prediction. She returns with her PIN number and then...she's lost the card again. Just as I had predicted... So more minutes of searching and finally the card is found again. She slides the card... and has forgotten the PIN number again. So the son grabs the card while she goes to get the PIN number again. Then we are good to go.

- Had one woman come through my line to tell me her dishwashing detergent was leaking. I took hold of it and examined it and put it on the shelf behind me. I then looked at her and said ' that's because it was open.'

- I have done something horrible. I am so tired of people coming up to my register and asking for 'Swisher Sweets' only to say, when asked what kind, 'Swisher Sweets.' I usually have to ask about 3 times before they say 'regular.' I continue my question of 'Which kind?' or 'Which kind is that?' After about 9 times they finally go over and look to see what kind we sell. Now, I know they want the blunts(for most naferious reasons) but I'm not some trained dog. Tell me what you want and don't leave any guesswork. That's dangerous. So what I did today was, on one of the Swisher Sweet Kings, took a piece of paper and wrote 'Regular' on it and taped it to the box. I put it up for display. Now if someone does that, I'm just going to grab the Kings and sell that to them!

Officially been claimed

2006-02-23T14:23:00.000-08:00

Fucked up quote of the day: "Man, where the hell are my pants?" - Some dude in the gym locker-room as I left the gym before class today.

Now Spinning: "Celebration" by Kanye West -
(See you know my style, I'm very wild
And I vow that my child will be well-endowed
Like his daddy, and tell him that yo mama had a fatty
He looked up at me said, "Daddy, that's the reason why you had me?"
Yup! We was practicing, 'til one day
Yo ass bust thought the packagin
You know what though, you my favorite accident
So go 'head, pop some Cris-tal for my newborn child)

Well folks, apparently your friendly neighborhood bastard has been claimed. Yeah, sign of the apocalypse huh? I'm not gonna put her out there on front-street, but she knows who she is. I'm gonna add another post tonight to keep everyone abreast of what happened to me last night, but I just thought I'd give that "someone" a shout-out. (gives her a hug and kiss) There ya go hun.

My thoughts on those who're anti-military

2006-02-21T15:10:00.000-08:00

Fucked up quote of the day: "Have you looked at me? What kinda food do you think I like? I like the kind that you chew." - One of the guy's at Gamestop talking about a cookout he was invited to.

Now Spinning: "Points of Authority" by Linkin Park

I'm sure it shouldn't be anything new to the 2 or 3 of you guys that read my drivel that I hold the U.S. military is extremely high esteem. After college I'm going into the Navy and I come from a family of Army and Marine personnel. Therefore, I'm sure you guys can imagine how offended I was when I dropped by the recruiter's office today to check-in and heard somebody behind me say "Fuck the military! I ain't fightin' for shit! You ain't sendin' my ass to no Iraq!"

Needless to say, it took all of my self-control to not turn around and stomp the asshole that made that damned comment. I swear, I get so sick of the stupid shit that people spout-off when talking about the military. For example, a year ago a friend of mine said that I should just be a "conscientious objector" if I was given orders to deploy to a combat zone. Honestly, while that shit might SOUND good, I'd rather go fight than be stripped of pay and rank and serve up to 5 years in the big house. And besides, the military is meant to fight wars, so if you went in what the FUCK made you think there was no chance of you possibly having to fight? Personally, I say that if you don't have the stomach for it, then don't fuckin' sign up. But if you don't, then don't try to talk others out of it simply because YOU wouldn't join.

To recap, if you've got a problem with the military, FUCK YOU! Last I checked service-members were the ones following shitty orders even when they didn't want to in order to protect YOUR freedoms asshole. (exhales) That felt better, tune in tomorrow for more of my usual ridiculous shit.

Popstars and Pedophiles

2006-02-16T20:42:00.000-08:00

Fucked up daily quote: "Please let me slide my dick in your 'fun hole'" - Dimebag apparently addressing the chick he's been fuckin' the last couple of months. I swear he's the poster-boy for heathen.

Now Spinning: "Love Calls" by Kem -
(I’m sittin’ here thinkin’ about you tonight
And all that you mean to me
I used to think I would never fall in love again
I guess I was wrong

When your heart was broken
When your wounded pride was laid to rest, baby
You’ll never open your heart to anyone else you said
But you lied, I know you’re lyin’ to me

You see your mind might be made up, mmm
But your heart has got it’s own plans
There’s no one to blame for false pride, tellin’ lies,
tryin’ to hide
From feelin’ the pain, I know you don’t wanna feel it) - I know it's inappropriate, but I really think shit like this is playing in the mind of twisted fucks when they mess with underage kids. Hell, it goes right along with so many thinking that fuckin' a kid is "love."

Y'know, there's not many things in this world that sicken me as much as a pedophile. If I had my way they'd all be spayed or neutered like damn dogs. Here are just a few notable PERVERTS whom I just shake my head at. Surprisingly, none of them have the "pedosmile." (Maddox, 2006) Oh and the reason for my title is that all of the following are either popstar pedophiles or pedophiles who, thanks to our good ol' media, became as infamous as some popstars.

Molesta, Molesta! Good ol' R. Kelly. While I do think that most of the girls he messed with were legal, there's no way in hell you can tell me that the girl fuckin' him in that video is older than 15. You the dah-dah huh Kelly? LMAO Did you take her to school after lettin' her stay in your hotel 'til 6 in da morning?

The man who porked the Long-Island Lolita! Dude, did you even DO anything before or after ol' girl? I'mean really, you're famous for NOTHING but fuckin' an underaged girl......way t'go shithead.

Mike I uh......you disappoint me. You really do. All that potential and you threw it away for some white-boy ass. "He's lookin' at the boy in the mirror, he's askin' him to drop his briefs...." Ok I just made myself queasy.

This Debra LaFave chick creeped me out. Now I'm certainly no expert on behavioral science but when you're cheating on your husband with a kid and making said kid "pinky promise" then there's a serious fuckin' problem. I feel bad for her (ex)husband having to hear all about what was going on and have to hear those recorded convos on national television. Cute chick or not, a chester's a chester.

I don't remember too much about Pamela Hunter, but this was yet another teacher who, this past year, fucked a young student. Y'see, I see nothing wrong with younger/older couples if that's there thing.....but let's try to keep shit LEGAL m'kay?

Ah, here we have the undisputed QUEEN of pedophilia, Mrs. Mary Kay LeTourneau Fualaau. Why the Fualaau you ask? Well not only did she fuck her 12 yr. old student and have TWO kids by him, but after she got out of jail she MARRIED him. Granted that the "boy" Fualaau is now a 22 yr. old man, he had to grow up pretty fuckin' quick. And how's this folks, she's 43 now. I dunno, but something in my gut tells me that this one is a situation that spiraled HORRIBLY outta control.

I had one too many drinks....

2006-02-13T08:17:00.000-08:00

Fucked up daily quote: "Hahaha, you're a lush!" - ChiChi makin' fun of me yet again. I'm not a lush dammit.

Now Spinning: "One on One" by Nas -
(Yo I'm a cream fiend, with a mean dream
Brain full of schemes, my crew's rollin fresh out the greens
Give you what you never seen, the ips on the Mac-10
It's 2:10 in the A.M. in the streets of Queens
Try hard and die hard
Chances of survivin the game is like tryin to feed Allah lard
A walk a piece with a deadly shadow
They want to blow me with the double barrel, found no sorrow
I brawl with Blanka, caught Bison in a thinker
Don't make hell your new home, with the blue chrome
Mistakes want me, sauve fellow but raunchy
The soul of a cold body haunts me, I flee the country
But only to shed tears for years
Too wild for my own self, hopin help is near
Street Fightin was cool but in school I brought a new tool
Toolin with the devil, a rebel, a fool) Yeah the movie was terrible, but I think any member of the Street Fighter generation knows why I can appreciate this song, the fact that it's a Nas joint aside.

Yes folks, last night I had one too many drinks. But unlike Jamie I didn't end up at no damn embassy. I ended up on my ass, senses dulled and being mocked ruthlessly by ChiChi (I'm still NOT a lush!). Now my roommate last year, THAT'S a lush. Matter of fact, for those who aren't in the know (all two of you) here's the Nova definition of a lush.

lush (n.) - One who routinely drinks to excess. Behavior is often categorized by public displays of drunken foolishness, amusingly slurred speech and a strange inability to tell what is or isn't a toilet.

The term lush actually brings to mind an incident last year. My alkie roommate at the time had invited a friend of his from ATL to crash at our place for the night. Normally I would've been mad as shit that the bastard wasn't even considerate enough to see if I'd mind, but his homeboy is cool so it was whatever. Well, around 10:30 we're rotting our brains watchin' MXC (if you don't know what that is Google it) and roomie is drinkin' like a damn fish. Beer and tequila to be exact. After repeated attempts by me and his homeboy to get his dumbass to eat some of the pizza we'd ordered to dilute the shit, we gave up and he eventually passed out. Fast-forward to 2:30 a.m. Roomie starts moaning and groaning in discomfort loud enough to wake us up. Unfortunately, we were unable to ignore that damned idiot. So after getting up to check on him, I suddenly hear him gag and race for a bag. I handed it off to his homeboy and he proceeded to hold it while roomie blew chunks. Now that folks is what I call a lush.

So remember, being drunk once or twice doesn't make you a lush. Doing it repeatedly to the point that it inconveniences your roommate AND a friend who went outta his way to hang out with you DOES. I need another drink....

I don't have any words for this....

2006-02-09T03:11:00.000-08:00

Guys, you wouldn't believe what I saw at Kroger last night. (shaking my head) Oh boy, I've heard about females doing this but for the first time ever last night I witnessed it. So I'm shootin' the shit with Mike about the recent news of the gay bar shooting up north and how fucked up the Arian Brotherhood is, when this rather homely chick comes to the checkout with this in her hands....minus the condoms.
Y'know, I have to wonder if I did something in a past life that's causing me to see all these horrible things. I'mean, I didn't shoot babies or anything horrible like that did I? Did I burn down an orphanage? (sighs) At any rate, there was also a lady who bought some fruit and cornstarch and proceeded to eat them before she even left the store and the 3 mexicans that do the night cleaning were huddled together in the back sleeping. Still.....nothing last night topped the cucumber and KY.

The Internet is for porn

2006-02-07T10:07:00.000-08:00

Fucked up daily saying: "The Internet is for porn, the Internet is for porn. So grab your dick and double-click for porn, porn, PORN!"

The Internet is for PORN

Now Spinning: "All Around the World" by Jay-Z
(Shit it ain't about your city or borough
It's bout if you really as thorough
And if you are, holla at your boy
I put my hand on my heart, that means I feel ya
Real recognize real and you lookin familiar
I'ma Bed-Stuy nigga but I do it to death
I promise I'm as St. Thomas homey eatin at Chef's
One-twelve, A-T-L, the sun up yet?
Then we party like the sun don't set)

Y'know there's a LOT of truth in that daily quote. I'mean seriously, after the 'Net became a household thing, the porn industry BOOMED! I'd be willing to say that the Internet is about 80% Porn. Truth be told, I mostly use the 'Net for info/intel and entertainment, but I wonder how many people out there use it solely to get their rocks off.

Poundin' the Pud

Today's lesson, don't beat your dick carelessly if you live in a dorm, you might get caught. LMAO
But these two gets the best of both worlds, amusement AND porn!

Pornstar skit

Crazy

That's all I got for now folks. And remember, the Internet is for PORN!

Pretty quiet night actually

2006-02-03T05:23:00.000-08:00

Fucked up daily saying: "You're curious, oh yeah, I know you're curious." - Some wanna-be thug brotha apparently has a thing for Mike now. LMAO! Unfortunately, I didn't have the batteries in my cam loaded before Charles got 'em to leave Mike alone, but here's a pic of someone the guy put me in the mind of.

THE PINK NIGGA!LOL!

Now Spinning: "Go Crazy (Remix)" by Jeezy, Jigga and Fat Joe -
(Uh, more than a hustla I'm the definition of it
Master chef, lord of the kitchen cupboard
More than a street legend, homey it's Hova
More than a relief pitcher, I'm the closer
The Mariano of the Mariott, ah
If money talks, the whole world's bout to hear me out
See I'm a hustler's hope, I'm not his pipe dreams
So when they speak of success, I'm what they might mean
Attract money my worst color is light green
My favorite hue is Jay-Z blue
Don't follow me young'n, follow my moves, I'm not a role model
A bad influence got the world drinkin gold bottles
When Puff was in that tub spillin Mo'
I was at my video, Cris' on the speedboat
In my lifetime nigga, go through your research
St. Thomas my nigga, that was me first) - I'm really not a fan of Jeezy, but Jay-Z's verse damn sure makes this joint that much better.

Aside from Mike apparently being crushed-on now by a sweet booty brotha, last night was pretty quiet. Well aside from the two cats that kept going back and forth to the ATM. As seen here:

Seriously though, those two dudes kept going BACK AND FORTH to that damn thing like there was a porno playin' on that muhfucker. I would've gotten an up-close and personal pic but I forgot how to turn the flash off again (sue me). Here's what really got me though, for a while those two cats disappeared off to the deli/organic food section of the store and as they passed us Mike and I could've sworn we saw breading crumbs on the face of one of 'em. So I walk over to the deli section and low and behold.

WHAT THE FUCK?! YOU GREEDY THIEVING FUCKS! Seriously, if shit was THAT bad I would've bought the damn chicken FOR YOU. (sighs)

Well last but certainly not least, here's where the crackheads often frequent.
Oddly enough there wasn't anybody pan-handling or anything last night. Charles (Kroger's security guy) must've been right, the severe rain kept the loonies in. Damn....

Why did you.....?

2006-02-02T07:47:00.000-08:00

Fucked up quote of the day: "Y'know, there's gonna be a special vat of grease to dunk you in down in hell." - Me to Dimebag. Self-explanatory considering I said that to the man that I call "Capt. Brown-eye"

Now Spinning: "Bill, why did you splooge?" by Tenacious D -
(I said Bill, why did you splooge?
Up on her dress, on her pretty blue pa-arty dress,
I said Bill, why did you splooge?
You made such a mess, on her pretty blue pa-arty dress,
I said Bill, why did you splooge?
You had to confess, that you splooged on her pa-arty dress)
I don't give a shit what ANYBODY says, Tenacious D is the shit!

Guys, I'm drawing a blank right now but here's a few questions I'd like to ask the following people and you guys feel free to add to this list. Maybe I'll think of something worth saying later.

1. (to Clinton) Dude, if you're gonna fuck around, why not do it with chicks that're at least cute? Monica and Paula are some pretty busted broads. You'd have been better off gettin' Hilary doggy-style with some porno broad's poster on the wall.

2. (to Dimebag) WHY, WHY, WHY did you stick your dick in that girl's ear?! I highly doubt she did ANYTHING that caused her to deserve THAT! And uh.......I don't buy that you don't know why you did it. You had to have had SOME reason right? I think....I hope.

3. (to Mike) Why don't you give your co-worker a chance man? It's family in a box with her, just add a ring. LMAO!!

4. (to D4L and others of their ilk) Why are you guys so intent on flushing Hip-Hop further down the toilet? What'd it ever do to you?

5. (to Pat Robertson) Why won't you make the world a better place and drink a gallon of bleach? Ok ok, that's a little harsh. How about ingesting some cyanide? I figure that's much less painful that asking you to shut your dumbass up for the rest of your miserable life.

6. (to Dimebag) Uh.....are you SURE you weren't touched my an older woman when you were a child? It'd damn sure explain A LOT dawg.

7. (to Dubya) How's it feel to not only single-handedly DOUBLE the national debt, but to be the first and only president to EVER outspend FDR? Quite a feat sir, quite a feat indeed.

8. (to wanna-be thugs everywhere) What the hell are you idiots trying to prove? Most of you cats came up in the 'burbs and runnin' around talkin' about how you "put in work." Sit down and shut da hell up.

9. (to fellow minority students) Why do white kids on campus ask the DUMBEST shit EVER? No I've never been in a gang, I've never smoked weed, and believe or not I'm actually NOT the voice of all of Black America. What a fuckin' idea huh?

10. (to Dimebag again) WHY WON'T THE FREAK STOP HARASSING ME?! ISN'T THERE ANYTHING YOU CAN DO TO GET HIM TO LEAVE ME ALONE?!

Weird happenings.....

2006-01-31T13:53:00.000-08:00

Fucked up daily quote: "I still ain't gonna salute ya ass New Bern." - Petty Officer Morrison (Mo) after I told him that I'm gonna become an officer after my first 4-5 years as an enlisted man. Ahhh......the joys of having a homeboy from a rival hometown.

Now Spinning: "Trouble Man" by Marvin Gaye -
(I've come of heart, baby, but now I'm cool
I didn't make it surely, playin' by the rules
I've come of heart, baby, but now I'm fine
I'm checkin' trouble, sure movin' down the line
I've come of heart, baby, but that's OK
'Cause Trouble Man don't get in my way

I've come of heart, baby
I've been for real, baby
Gonna keep movin', gonna roll to town
I've come of heart, come on, get down
There's only 3 things for sure:
Taxes, death and trouble)

(Blows the dust off the shelves) Damn, been a few days huh? You guys miss me? (deafening silence) YOU UNGRATEFUL ASSES! (shakes my fists at the crowd)

Well it's official guys, Nova is in the Navy. I ship out for basic training on Sept. 6, so that'll explain the roughly two months time that you guys hear "radio silence" from me. But I saw some interesting shit while I was at MEPS in Atl this weekend past.

1. Some busted, musty chick was checkin' the dude out hard while she was on the treadmill and damn near busted her face not payin' attention to what the hell she was doing. Helpful hint: If you're gonna oggle somebody, DON'T do it while on a damn treadmill.

2. I swear my roommate at the hotel the night before the buses took us to processing thought he was the best damn thing since sliced bread! LMAO! Hate to burst your bubble buddy, well no I don't, but you're a damn thug with minimal ambition who BARELY did well enough on the ASVAB to even get into the military, so you need to cut out that damn delusion of getting a big signing bonus.

3. Why in the HELL would you start getting nervous as hell right before you swear-in? Dammit you've already signed the contract. I swear that kinda shit makes about as much sense as the time Dimebag stuck his dick in a sleepin' girl's ear (he told me ALL about it unfortunately).

Meh, enough of the MEPS rant. Some more freaky shit happened at Kroger last night. A crack-whore came in and got mad at Mike cuz he wouldn't let her have one of the baked chickens from the deli section. Apparently, the store dumps those that don't sell and the crack-whore felt that he should just give her one of 'em free of charge. Uh-uh, doesn't work that way lady. And then the icing on the cake was the "crazy zealot lady" who came in with a PS2, handed it to Mike and told him that God said he must deliver it to Ami. And uh.....then she left while babbling about the greatness of God. Mike, congrats on your free PS2 buddy, with all the strange shit we see around here you've damn sure earned it.

An all new low

2006-01-27T12:48:00.000-08:00

Fucked up quote of the day: "I've got a yellow demon in my pants. His name is Ifrit." - Me. No further comments needed. LMAO

Now Spinning: "Deliverance" by Bubba Sparxxx -
(I left out from mama's with my thumb in the wind
The leaves on the ground, winter's comin again
Solid on the surface as I crumble within
But legends are made out of vulnerable men
So on the brink of death I still manage livin life
Cause so rarely in this world are these chances given twice
I indeed sold my soul, without glancing at the price
No instructions when I was handed this device
But with what I did get, I was more than generous
Put others over self on several instances
But I'm back on my feet without a hint of bitterness
And one way or another I shall have deliverance
So I say)

Continuing yesterday's foolishness and debauchery, last night Mike managed to convince no less than 10 people of the following:

1: Alexander Hamilton was the 10th president of the United States. After all, he is on the $10.

2: Ulysses S. Grant's real name was Hiroshima Ulysses Grant. He had it changed after the bombing of Hiroshima because he didn't want to be associated with the event. He was also the 50th president of the United States.

And to add to the "Serbie Tabie" thing, the dude who discovered the condition, Sir Tobias Seriberto, was born in 1768 and died of the very syndrome he discovered in 1828. Oh yeah, he's Italian if I didn't already mention that.

(sighs) I really should be ashamed of myself but dammit so should Mike and we're both gettin' a shitload of laughs outta this. I wonder how far this can possibly go.... At any rate, Mike's making up a faux-website dedicated to the guy within the next few days so I'll be sure to post the link to it.

What the FUCK?! You people believe that shit?!!

2006-01-26T00:04:00.000-08:00

Ok, this time there's no fucked up quote of the day or "now spinning" cuz dammit I gotta tell you guys about this foolishness. Anyone who knows me will tell ya that I feel that the average person is dumber than a bucket of monkey turds. Well you guys aren't gonna believe this shit, but m'boy Mike actually had people convinced that there's a medical condition known as, wait for it............Serbie Tabie.

It's supposedly a condition in which the person suffers from a chemical imbalance due to hypertension (high blood pressure) and high blood sugar. Apparenty the condition was discovered in 1808 by Italian scientist Tobias Seriberto. I stood in awe as customers so readily believed this garbage. And he even had a few people convinced that Benjamin Franklin was the 4th president. WTF? BEN WAS NEVER A PRESIDENT PEOPLE! That's when it hit me, no matter how ridiculous the bullshit is you can get people to believe you if you say it confidently and with a straight face. Oh yeah, back to the Serbie Tabie thing, one customer actually put his candy back after Mike told him about the condition. LMAO!! Mike bravo on duping the customers, it's nice to know that I'll have company in hell.

I think I'm gonna make up a disease too. Hmmm.......I think I'll call it Avian Syphilis. Hell, there's already a bird flu so why not a bird STD right? I rule so hard, I love myself.

A spoon? You're shittin' me right?

2006-01-25T11:44:00.000-08:00

Fucked up quote of the day: "Dammit......8:00 already? Fuckin' shit...." - Me turning off my alarm clock this morning. Shit I was tired.

Now Spinning: "What's Goin' On?" by Marvin Gaye

Whoo-whee! You guys ain't gonna BELIEVE this shit! I made my usual late-night stop by Kroger last night to inform Mike about what happened to me the night before. Granted, I should've known that my luck wasn't good enough for the entire night to go off without a hitch but dammit it really seemed like it was going to.

So I get to Kroger, shoot the shit with Mike for about half an hour and get ready to leave thinking that everything's gravy right? Well, as I'm leaving a damn heroin fiend comes up to me beggin'. How did I know the guy was a heroin addict? Cuz the muhfucker asked if he could borrow a damn spoon! For those who aren't drug-educated like myself, heroin addicts often use a lighter and spoon to cook their heroin using a technique called free-basing (look it up).

Once I got the junkie to leave me alone, I got in my car and called ChiChi to tell her about what the hell just happened. I know the poor girl's stomach was hurting but I had to tell somebody. And needless to say, the thunderous laughter didn't help things. LOL I swear I have seen some of the weirdest shit around here, I really need to get the hell outta Macon. Oh yeah ChiChi, "Can I borrow a spoon dawg? I'll give it back as soon as I'm done with it, swear to God." LMAO

Why we're not rising as a people

2006-01-23T18:36:00.000-08:00

Fucked up saying of the day: "Aye shawty who dat guhl ih in dat picha?" - Some DUMBASS in the recruiter office today. Shit, if people like him can get into the Navy, it makes me happy as hell that I'm going into a high-demand Navy job so I won't have to deal too much with dumbasses like that.

Now Spinning: "Respiration" by Blackstar and Common -
(This ain't no time where the usual is suitable
Tonight alive, let's describe the inscrutable
The indisputable, we New York the narcotic
Strength in metal and fiber optics
where mercenaries is paid to trade hot stock tips
for profits, thirsty criminals take pockets
Hard knuckles on the second hands of workin class watches
Skyscrapers is collosus, the cost of living
is preposterous, stay alive, you play or die, no options
No Batman and Robin, can't tell between
the cops and the robbers, they both partners, they all heartless
With no conscience, back streets stay darkened
Where unbeliever hearts stay hardened
My eagle talons STAY sharpened, like city lights stay throbbin
You either make a way or stay sobbin, the Shiny Apple
is bruised but sweet and if you choose to eat
You could lose your teeth, many crews retreat
Nightly news repeat, who got shot down and locked down
Spotlight to savages, NASDAQ averages
My narrative, rose to explain this existance
Amidst the harbor lights which remain in the distance)

Y'know, as proud as I am to be black I swear some of my people embarassing the living shit outta me. While I could go into an overly lengthy spill about this, I'm just gonna give my usual quick and concise blurb sprinkled liberally with profane language. Ready? Well if not you're SOL.

I went by the recruiter's office yesterday to finalize some paperwork for my job, and there's a younger black guy (I REFUSE to call this fool a "brotha") who's also going into service. I'm sorry, but if at 18/19 you CAN'T write in cursive, there's a fuckin' problem. Now don't get me wrong, I can understand if your cursive is kinda hard to read, but dude said he flat-out didn't know how to write in cursive. Oh but wait it gets better. Even though there isn't the slightest once of "country twang" in my voice, I'm from NC and dammit that makes me a Southerner so I'm not knockin' accents. But THIS muhfucker here just came across as dumber than goat-shit every time he spoke. What really got me was when he had to write down why he wanted to serve (anybody who enlists has to do this regardless of the branch) this dumbass didn't know what to say. And when our recruiter told him something easy he could write down the dumb fucker didn't know how to spell "experience." Part of me wanted to laugh at the guy while the rest of me wanted to beat dat ass with a dictionary.

Then on my way to Kroger last night, a crackhead came up to my car to bum $2. Granted, I actually gave 'em the money to make 'em get the fuck on but this cat actually said, "Homey I swear to God I'll pay you back." (sighs) ChiChi come get your people please, they're breakin' my heart. Sadly, my tale is not yet over.

When I got back to my place, a fuckin' crackhead was tryin' to sell me some damn "china white." Now, I don't do dope, but IF I did I damn sure wouldn't buy from a user. And besides, china white is too fuckin' pure. Why the hell would I snort something so strong it's practically guaranteed to kill me? (humming old Negro spirituals) At this rate I'm gonna HAVE to become a father so that one day my progeny can see when this type of foolishness is much more rare than it is. But to all my peoples gettin' theirs and acting like they've got the good sense God gave 'em, keep doin' ya thing.

Balls to the wall debauchery!

2006-01-22T17:06:00.000-08:00

Fucked up quote of the day: "Stop beatin' your dick and you'll be ok." - My girl Porschia making fun of me when I made the comment that my hands have gone numb. I swear, friends that you used to date just KNOW they can get away with shit like this. LMAO

Now Spinning: "I Wonder if Heaven Got a Ghetto" by Tupac -
(Here on Earth, tell me what's a blick life worth
A bottle of juice is no excuse, the truth hurts
And even when you take the shit
Move counties get a lawyer you can shake the shit
Ask Rodney, LaTasha, and many more
It's been goin on for years, there's plenty more
When they ask me, when will the violence cease?
When your troops stop shootin niggaz down in the street
Niggaz had enough time to make a difference
Bear witness, own our own business
Word to God cause it's hard tryin to make ends meet
First we couldn't afford shit now everything's free
so we loot, please don't shoot when you see
I'm takin from the, cause for years they would take it from me
Now the tables have turned around
You didn't listen, until the niggaz burned it down)

As I sit here and ponder the kinds of friends that I have and some of the behavior I've engaged in or encouraged (moreso among my boys than my girls of course) it has become clear to me that I truly get a rise outta debauchery. And yes I'll admit that I've been in some rather humorous sexual/drunken escapades myself. Hell, I still remember the time I, in a semi-drunken state, chase Tonya around with a balloon at my crotch pretending it was my dick. She didn't think it was so funny at the time but dammit all the rest of us did. And then there was another time when I was hunched over in the corner pretending to masturbate as my homegirls Rachel and Atiya entered the room (they refused to shake my hand after that even when they realized I wasn't actually stroking myself).

Then there's the sexual deviancy I've encouraged in friends of mine. Mind you, I always tell them to be safe and not do EVERYONE, but dammit get yours cuz it's natural. (Note: I do not, I repeat...I DO NOT encourage Dimebag to run around slamming his dick into girls' assholes, let's just get that straight right now.) Shit, I've told my homegirls several times to get 'em some dick and told my homeboys to dedicate the money-shot to me. LMAO Yeah, yeah, I know I'm a heathen but dammit at least I'll fuckin' admit it. (proudly waving my pervert flag)

And what am I getting at you might ask? Shit I'm just fuckin' rambling. But still, don't we all appreciate a little rampant debauchery every now and then? Who doesn't get a kick outta wild sexual escapades and drunken foolishness? That's what I thought. So live life, be safe, and get ya rocks off dammit cuz I wanna hear some sordid stories.

Cruel Kroger! What did I do to deserve this?!

2006-01-19T17:18:00.000-08:00

Fucked up daily saying: "Tell that nasty bastard he needs to find somebody else to dilate his asshole" - Me telling Dimebag what I think about the "Shim" that's still trying to holla at me.

Now spinning: "Givin' up the Nappy Dug-Out" by Ice Cube
(Your daughter was a nice girl, now she is a slut
A queen treatin niggaz just like King Tut
Gobblin up nuts, sorta like a hummingbird
Suckin up the Lench Mob crew, and I'm comin third
Used to get straight A's, now she just skippin class
Oh my, do I like to grip the hips and ass
Only seventeen, with a lot of practice
on black boys jimmies and white boys cactus
Sorry sorry sir, but I gotta be brief
A lotta niggaz like bustin nuts in her teeth) - HILARIOUS! Nothin' else to be said.

Boy boy boy, I tell ya man the stars must've been in some sorta fucked-up alignment last night or somethin'. After gettin' off the phone with Chi Chi, I made a quick trip to Kroger to pick up some things I needed. I swear, in the span of 2 hours I saw damn-near EVERY "character" I ever saw there make a cameo. From the "Wife of God" to the heroin junkie, I just about saw it all.

At one point I'm speaking to Mike, my homeboy who's the night cashier, and the heroin junkie calmly walks up to us and asks, "Where's the bathroom? I need a hit." After recovering from the shock of such a bold statement, Mike kindly pointed in the direction of the men's bathroom. Funny thing was, dude started to take out his syringe before he even got to the bathroom door. My exact words were, "Whoa man! Wait till you get in the bathroom first!" And apparently homeboy who tried to get Mike to pay for his doughnuts last time he was there came in and once again wanted Mike to pay for his food. Security escorted that dumbass out rather quickly.

Then some dude came in and bought roughly $100 worth of food with foodstamps and then pan-handled for an hour to get ONE pack of cigarettes. (hanging my head) I don't know what to say about my people. Then the lady that Mike refers to as "The Egg" came in, I call her ass "Ms. Humpty Dumpty" cuz that's who the hell she looks like. I wonder if she'll break if I tip her over..hmmmmm...... And last but certainly not least, I once again came face to face with THE WIFE OF GOD! Apparently I'm a sinner and an infidel because I wasn't wearing a headcovering. So I didn't have my trademark UNC cap on, fuckin' sue me! Oh but get a load of this shit folks, for your reading pleasure I have an excerpt of the strange shit she supposedly going to put into the book she plans to publish. You have been forewarned.

God's name is The Divine Lord Great
(In Hebrew-El Shaddai-God the Almighty-Ez6:3)
--------------------------------------------------------
God's purpose is to have an abundance of divinity O and
share it with all-create paradises and heavens for everlasting life
and have perfect relations with the plurality
of creature and forces that exist. All others
have the purpose to be in the image of God,
reflexing his glory. Wearing head coverings
to respect the Divine Lord Great. Pray on
your knees asking God to end Armaggedon

As strange as that shit is, she claims that one of her sources for the Armaggedon part is Revelations. Yes, THAT Revelations. Now maybe I'm crazy, but I don't recall it saying SHIT about God ENDING Armaggedon. (shrugs) The shit I've seen at the Macon Mid-town Kroger boy I tell ya.

Hip-Hop's limpin' and other random shit

2006-01-17T16:26:00.000-08:00

Fucked up daily quote: "Let me fuck it. Please, I get so lonely at night" - Me telling Chi Chi what I could say to 'stalker dude' on the phone to creep him out so he'll leave her alone. LMAO Fuck lowering the bar, I just dropped that shit.

Now Spinning: "Back to Basics" by Kanye and Common -
(Let's take it back to basics
When shit gets worse we converse
How we need a new balance before
The lines get crossed like Asics
Just look at what we get
If we don't shoot the Reeboks
This is a beat that no flow can detox
Or the respect is due like my Louie bag
I don't wanna have to check you
I'm shy as buck fifties and Pelle Pelle leathers
Some say, my beats make the Bulls play better
I say, black on black is the hate that hate made
Sara Lee with the dough I'm talkin' bout the cake made
McDonalds was the flow, served over a billion
Ya seen the video, words over the buildin'
I wish I could give you this feelin'
I wish I could give you this feelin'
And when the workout plan ain't work out man
Me and Common is back on tha corners again)

Man, the weather in Mac-Town is FUCKIN' UP! Windy as hell, pouring down rain, and just my luck my one class today is in the Engineering School.......on the other fuckin' side of campus from my designated parking area. So I got to come back to my place today soaking wet and cold as a damn eskimo.

But anyway, I had an interesting topic of discussion with an old friend of mine today. Now, I don't claim to be a Hip-Hop music expert, but I'm enough of a fan to know that in the last decade it's taken a severe downturn. We've gone from Rakim and The Roots to those muhfuckin' D4L and Franchise Boyz rejects. WHAT IN THE HELL?! Has Hip-Hop become the new-age Special Olympics? If so I damn sure didn't get the fuckin' memo. And Busta Rhymes on the remix for that Laffy Taffy shit? (hanging my head and sobbing) WHY BUSTA? WHY?! I swear I'm not gonna front like I'm a budding MC, but back in the late 80s/early 90s and before, cats had to have some sort of lyrical skills to get on. Now, all y'need is a fuckin' catchy beat since most people don't seem to even listen to the lyrics anymore anyway. Hopefully this is just a long-running fad and things will go back to the Hip-Hop day's of old when artists had skill and weren't regurgitating the same bullshit over and over (i.e. My rims, my cars, my bitches).

It also became rather clear to me that (in my best George Carlin voice)some people are really fuckin' STUPID. Yesterday some guy in Statesboro (an hour and a half south of here) got pissed off at his attorney because a case didn't go his way, so he and his wife took the guy hostage. Thankfully nobody was hurt and they surrendered this morning. But here's the kicker, dude has a criminal history dating back to the 80s. I say castrate this motherfucker so he doesn't contribute anything else to the American gene pool. Shit, that might even bring the collective IQ up a point or two.

A World Without Porn...

2006-01-14T22:23:00.000-08:00

Fucked up daily saying: "Ahhhhhh son of a BITCH!" - Me after getting headbutted in the crotch by my dog. Apparently she wanted to wrestle and I wasn't cooperating. Thanks Cocoa, fucker.

Now spinning: "Rock Star" by Bizarre -
(The girls are gazing yea, it's so amazing yea
Black, white, thirteen to eighteen
I'm on T.R.L. with David Chappelle
Talking about the little two days I did in jail
Give me a sandwich, feed me lunch
Girl where's my punch?
If I don't get punch, you gon' get punched
matter fact forget lunch
The guy with the shower cap running the streets
Big old stomach, they all know me
Last video, I was in the back
Now I started a group with Horney Mac)

Man, all my creative juices feel like they've dried up. And Chi Chi isn't helping so I'm just gonna commence pulling a rabbit outta my high-yellow ass. Have you guys ever wondered what life would be like without porn? Seriously, dudes worldwide would suffer from a lack of "jerking material." Rape would be rampant and the economy would crash. Honestly, I couldn't even imagine not having some "inspiration" to spank to every now and then. As I'm sure you all know, it helps keep a man regular and sane. (Note to the ladies: Any dude who says he doesn't jerk probably does it multiple does it multiple times a day....and falls asleep with his dick in his hand.)

Picture a world full of the pent-up sexual frustration that would result. Chicks would be beatin' the shit outta their men for being sex-crazed fiends. Well, we're sex-crazed fiends already but y'get the point. Anyway, a world without porn would suck ass. My imagination ain't so good that I don't need a visual. I wonder how ladies would fare without porn? Probably better than us I'd imagine. Oh well, thank God for PORN! (goes to my room with a Hustler to whack-off)

The joys of being a potty-mouth

2006-01-12T17:55:00.000-08:00

Fucked up quote of the day: "WHY is my uncle trying to show me he can dance?" - ChiChi talkin' about her uncle. I swear she should've just told 'em he was makin' a damn fool of himself.

Now spinning: "You Belong to the City" by Glenn Frey
(You belong to the city
You belong to the night
Livin' in a river of darkness
Beneath the neon lights

You were born in the city
Concrete under your feet
It's in your blood, it's in your moves
You're a man of the street) - I'm not even sure why I like this song so much. Most songs from the 80's SUCKED DONKEY NUTS! I guess there's at least one exception to every rule. And I'm willing to bet that with Jamie Foxx and Colin Farrell playing Tubbs and Crockett in the new Miami Vice movie that the shit's gonna be damn good.

Y'know I have to stand in awe of people who somehow manage not to cuss in their daily lives. I've got willpower to spare, but dammit with language I let it all hang out. I bet people who don't cuss have a lot of pent-up aggression though. I'mean seriously, I couldn't be mad as hell and say something like "Gosh, golly geewhiz." Fuck that, I'm throwin' out every 4-letter word known to man. Catch me on a good day and I might even make up a few. And when you think about it, what really makes cuss-words so bad anyway? I say express yourself. (Unless you're a black child, in which case I hope ya momma slaps da shit outta you for cussing just like my mom would've).

Then there's your favorite and mine, perverted language. I tell ya, I'm a MASTER of lowering the bar. I'm seriously starting to think that "Shut your filthy sewer" is a personal attack on me because of my language. To put it bluntly, my language (outside of formal/professional situations) is about as inappropriate as Monique in a thong bikini. But when it's all said and done, I like my filthy sewer cuz dammit it makes people laugh. I say there's nothing wrong with having a potty-mouth if you're of age and can amuse people with your tasteless banter. On top of that, I know we all love the looks of utter horror and disgust when you destroy the "proper" mood with something like, "Holy shit, who dropped THAT bomb?!" People without potty-mouths suck.

Walking my own path.....

2006-01-10T18:49:00.000-08:00

Random quote: "Dawg, even your closest friends know you're a loner, it's just something we've come to accept about you. You walk your own path and fight your battles alone." - Bruno, my homeboy for like 12 years now, commenting on my tendencies to keep to myself. (shrugs) My people know I got nothin' but love for 'em, I just hate to depend on anyone but myself.

Now Spinning: "Passion" by Hikaru Utada (What can I say? I like J-Pop too.)

That quote above got me thinking, is there anything wrong with being a loner? Really? I've always felt and always WILL feel that there's nothing wrong with it at all so long as you don't take it to the hermit extreme. I just find it amusing that people who don't know me think that because I'm generally keeping to myself that I somehow lack social skills/graces. For instance, some white chick on campus saw me and was like, "You really should smile more." Why? If I don't feel like smiling then I'm not going to. Then there's this gem that a classmate told me, "Do you have any friends? I always see you by yourself." Talk about being fuckin' RUDE. But, since I feel that lashing out is never the best way to handle a situation, I simply responded, "Excuse me miss, but the fact that I don't run around with a bunch of 'acquaintances' by no means says that I don't have friends. In all honesty, because of the fact that I don't deal with too many people I probably have twice as many 'true friends' as you do if not more." Needless to say, ol' girl's jaw hit the floor. Truth hurts, deal with it.

Looking back on my life though, it can easily be argued that I tend to take the path less taken. For example, I've NEVER been known to settle. To this day I'm still my own harshest critic. Why? Because I know that as long as I'm still breathing then I can still outdo whatever I've accomplished in the past. I guess that's what Bruno meant when he said that I walk my own path, chalk it up to being a Leo cuz I'm not a follower. I guess another part of it is the fear that if I start to look back on what I've accomplished thus far that I'll start to become satisfied and inevitably begin to become complacent. Maybe I'll start to really look back on what I've achieved in life when I hit my 40s.

Creative Juices NOT a-flowin'

2006-01-09T19:05:00.000-08:00

Fucked up daily saying: "Dat looks like baby-shit-green dawg" - M'boy Terrance commenting on my Olive-brown Perry Ellis sweatsuit today. Muhfucker.

Now spinning: "Bet Ya Man Can't" by Terror Squad -
(I get you naked like I'm mystic, cause this [dick] is
thick as a brick, raw with big [balls] that bend it
Now let's get, physical, my jiggable pie
Let this lyrical guy scuba dive right between your thighs
I satisfy like a Snickers bar cause I'm the bigger bar
that'll stick you quicker than a 'spic will strip a car
My repoitoire holds a four star performance with all women
Hittin more skins than Alec Baldwin)

Why is it that old heads are so concerned about the fact that I've got no plans for marriage? Seriously, every time I turn around (the women on Dad's side of the fam are notorious for this) I get asked "When are you gonna get married and settle down?" WTF?!! I'M 22 YEARS OLD! It's like NONE of them respect the fact that my primary concern at this point is my impending career. And wouldn't ya know it, the main ones who're "trying" to pressure me are the ones who had kids before they were able to adequately support them. Call me a fool, but I refuse to make babies at my age, ESPECIALLY if I can't support any. Hell, I haven't even "gotten my swivel-hips on"(Brutha Code, 2006) in over two years so why the hell would I be tryin' to go out and make babies?! Shit I gotta get my mojo goin' again before there's even a chance in hell of any creative juices flowin'.

Hometown ain't what it used to be

2006-01-07T22:05:00.000-08:00

Now spinning: "Be Better Than Me" by T.I. -
(Ay, its rules in the game son, learn it young
When dez hatas speak yo name man burn dey tongue
Neva be ashamed of how ya live or where ya from
You stack a mill, niggaz will see how far you come
Without a gun, you got somethin'll make 'em bar you son
That's a million dollar mind, why, dez niggaz is dumb
Yea they gon get outta line, but dez niggaz is scum
They outta sight and outta mind ‘til you visit the slum, stay down
Stay on the grind and yo digits'll come, bottom line
You gotta shine no matta what you become
Dez streets is 40 percent of yo mind and 5 percent muscle
10 struggle, 10 time, and 35 percent hustle)

I'm sitting here in a hotel room in New Bern, NC after coming down for about 24 hours with the fam to check in on Dad's side of the family. Man I gotta say, the place really has gone down the tubes. Sad to say, but the city that was once the original capital of NC has all but turned into a slum. Shootings and robberies every day, dilapidated houses, project violence getting worse......man it's fuckin' depressing. It's no wonder all of Mom's side of the fam is either moved to Charlotte or Raleigh years ago, and that's the ones that stayed in NC. It was good to see Dad's mom though, I hadn't seen her in 10 years and for Dad it'd been about the same. I'm sure I'm not the only one I know who's gone back to visit their original hometown and been disheartened by what they say but damn, I really thought things were starting to get better around here for a little while. A big part of the reason that I claim Charlotte more than New Bern is because most of my fam that WAS in da Bern has been in the QC (Queen City) for the past 10 years or so. Maybe someday New Bern will get back on its feet, but in the meantime (pours out some liquor).

What's out there?

2006-01-05T20:45:00.000-08:00

Now spinning: "Somewhere I belong" by Linkin Park -

I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I’ve held so long
(Erase all the pain till it’s gone)
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m close to something real
I wanna find something I’ve wanted all along
Somewhere I belong

I was watching a special on TV the other day on space exploration and it got me thinking about how cool it'd be to venture out into space. I'mean in all honesty I wouldn't be surprised if there's a successful manned Mars landing within the next 10-15 years. It kinda makes me wonder if I might try to get on with NASA after I finish my stint with the Navy. I'mean, by the time I finish my first 6 years of service alone I'll have undergrad AND graduate degrees in both IT and Engineering. Add to that my experience that I'll have accumulated as a nuke specialist and I'll definitely have my credentials in order. I dunno, there's so many things that I wanna do during my life it's unreal. Whether or not I CAN do it isn't the question in my mind, it's whether or not I have the TIME. LOL I guess the fam wasn't lying when they said I won't slow down until old age forces me to. Hell, I wouldn't even have to be an astronaut, I'd be happy being a member of mission control.

Burgers, Beer and Bodily functions

2006-01-04T21:01:00.000-08:00

Today's fucked up saying: "Holy shit! Your breath smells like hot monkey ass!" - Me to some random drunk dude who was trying to bum money from me as he spoke only 3 inches from my face.

Now spinning: "Complaints and Grievances" by George Carlin - Nothing like listening to some good old raw and uncensored comedy to lift your mood. I swear it's gonna suck when Carlin passes away.

Some random shit: Why is it that food you haven't had in AGES tastes so damned good? Today was the first time in ages that I'd had a fresh bowl of home-made pasta with made from scratch pesto sauce and I thought I'd died and gone to heaven. But then again the fact that I can cook certainly didn't hurt.

Y'know, I don't think I'll EVER understand why we guys are amused by the simplest things. Some of the grossest things too but that's not the point. But what I'm sayin' is, I've never seen girls just bust out laughing at the simple things the way that me and my fellow males seem to all the fuckin' time. And I'm still not sure why the hell burps and farts are hilarious. Yes dammit, HILARIOUS. Especially when done accidentally at an inappropriate time. Ladies, I'm telling ya, we guys can park in front of the tv with some burgers and a few beers and dammit life is good. Well, until one of the guys "bleebs out a squanker" that could eat the stitching out of Levis. Then suddenly it's not quite so funny anymore.

Seriously, Dad and I were watchin' the game yesterday and suddenly he just ripped off a mean one and as foul as it was that shit amused us both to no end. Mom was none too happy about it though. Ah well, I guess that's one of the many mysteries of life. I think I'm gonna go grab a burger and a beer.

I'M BACK MUHFUCKERS!

2006-01-03T21:50:00.000-08:00

Today's fucked-up saying: "C'mon man, lemme have it. I know you've got some smart-ass comeback that'll hurt my soul." - M'boy J.P. while we were hoopin' today after he made some smart comment about nearly strippin' the ball from me as I blew past 'em.

Now spinning: "The Next Movement" by The Roots.
(Black rain fallin from the sky look strange
The ghetto is red hot, we steppin on flames
Yo, it's inflation on the price for fame
and it was all the same, but then the antidote came
The Black Thought, ill syllablist, out the Fifth
This heavyweight rap shit I'm about to lift
LIKE, a phyllum lift up it's seed to sunlight
I plug in the mic, draw like a gunfight)
I dunno what it is about The Roots that I just love man. Maybe it's that they're one of the few cliques that, IMO, have real lyrical skill today in the rap-game.

Some random shit: Why is it that the most ignant (YES "IGNANT") and ghetto-lookin' cats are always the ones bitchin' about how "the white man's holdin' me down." Shit, I'm black and I wouldn't hire ya ass if you came to the interview lookin' like a damn thug. That shit's just bad for business.

What's goins on folks? I hope everybody had a damn good holiday and happy fuckin' new year. Y'know, all dat good holiday feeling shit. It looks like pop needs me to keep the lawn-care business up for him this year while he goes overseas on another civilian contract. Friggin' sweet I say, because this way I'll have a few G's stacked by graduation and at least enough for a nice money-market account startup by the time I leave for basic. Like Biggie said, "Gimme the loot! Gimme the loot!"

At any rate, has anyone else ever noticed that people LOVE to come outta the woodwork when they see the potential for a gravy-train? I kid you not, girls I haven't seen since HIGH-SCHOOL have somehow gotten my damn apartment address and home phone number. Uh-uh, no sir, if you didn't want me when I was first layin' the ground work for mine, don't try to fuck with me now. That trying to save the neighborhood garbage is what got Hammer in trouble and I'm not about to go down that road, I've come too far and accomplished to much to fuck it all up now.

Damn if my mind didn't just go blank. I actually had something worthwhile to talk about too. Oh well, it'll come back to me tomorrow most likely. Shouts out to everybody who reads my foolishness and may '06 be your year guys!

P.S. My heart goes out to the families of the 11 miners found dead in the WV coal mine. What I don't get is this, how the FUCK did it suddenly go from 12 or the 13 being alive to 11 of them actually being dead? Who the HELL opened their big-ass mouth without knowing the actual situation? The CEO of Int'l Coal Group needs his ass beat, that man had over 45 health/safety violations for that damn mine.

South Beach update

2005-12-24T07:01:00.000-08:00

Ok folks, I'm going against my better judgement and posting pics of my progress thus far. (Can you tell I'm self-conscious as hell about my body?) Anyway the thumbnailed pics below speak for themselves, I'm just thankful that I'm well on my way to getting my 6-pack back. Jia, you SO owe me for putting myself out there like this. LOL

I see why South Beach Diet is so popular

2005-12-19T00:54:00.000-08:00

Yep folks, I've decided to jump on the bandwagon and give the South Beach Diet a go. Thus far, while it's only 3 days in, I already see results. Fuck that Atkins shit, the amount of protein intake that meal plan calls for is asking for gout in my opinion. Besides, I haven't had time to go to the gym in almost a week but after just 3 days I'm already seeing my 6-pack returning. Shit, a diet where I can still pretty much eat as I please AND drop my body fat? Folks we have a fuckin' winner.

But that makes me wonder, why the hell do people attempt all these fad diets that clearly DON'T work and AREN'T healthy? And when did diet become synonymous with not eating? I know I'm a health/fitness freak but damn, I'd think common sense would tell anyone that starvation is NOT an effective way to lose weight. I'mean c'mon, your body's essentially a machine, and that said a machine can't function properly without fuel. Seems simple enough, but it boggles my mind how often I see people go on these ridiculous "Eat almost nothing" binge diets. What's your take on this folks?

Incoherent ramblings

2005-12-12T12:21:00.000-08:00

Fucked up daily saying: I'm currently being serviced. Why in the HELL did Dimebag answer his damn phone while gettin' a blowjob? And the thing is that I wouldn't have known he was serious if I didn't suddenly hear a slurping sound in the background.

As a brief glimpse into my psyche I'm gonna simply ramble off the top of my head. For some people it's stream of consciousness, for me it's incessant babble. :)

Hot damn! Finals are over! I think I'm gonna celebrate tonight with a few brews. On second thought, I should probably just go on base and get a 5th of Bacardi Hurricane for $5. Just gotta make sure not to drink it all in one night.

I gotta drop weight, my abs are startin' to fade and I know it's gonna be hell to get the washboard back if I don't start now. Speaking of which, I'm out of Hydroxycut. GNC needs to start having a fuckin' "Black Friday" sale like everybody else dammit.

My feet itch. I could reach down and scratch them but hell, I'm tired. They'll be aight.

There's some dude on campus who kinda reminds me of a chimpanzee. I should toss 'em a banana to see his reaction. LOL Nah, that's low even for me.

It's kinda funny how I seem so different on my blog than I am in person. Granted, what you read here is 100% me, I'm actually pretty calm and reserved in person. Here I'm practically bouncing off the fuckin' walls. Call it an outlet. (shrugs)

Somebody was fucking in one of the stalls in a bathroom in the lab. Never thought I'd see the day. I should've knocked on the door and said something like, "Keep it down if I can't join in."

Damn I wanna go downstairs and beat the shit outta those bastards who've been pirating my cable for the past 4 days. Fuckin' bastards.

Aw hell I'm out of chocolate milk. Looks like I've gotta make another Kroger run tonight. Mmmmm........chocolate. (Homer Simpson drool)

It would be kinda funny if MEPS needs more info on me from my recruiter. (points at Petty Officer Pina) "It's his fault, not mine! Ask that stutterin' mofo Pina. Uh-uh-uh, bleep, bleep, bleep!" LOL

Speaking of stuttering I'd better stop picking on others before my stutter gets worse. Dammit, and I had actually stopped stuttering almost completely for over 5 years. Me and my big ass mouth.

I'm sleepy.....

Interesting Personality Test/results

2005-12-12T02:34:00.000-08:00

What aspects of personality does this tell me about?
There has been much research on how people describe others, and five major dimensions of human personality have been found. They are often referred to as the OCEAN model of personality, because of the acronym from the names of the five dimensions.
Openness to Experience/Intellect

High scorers tend to be original, creative, curious, complex; Low scorers tend to be conventional, down to earth, narrow interests, uncreative.
You typically don't seek out new experiences. (Your percentile: 53)

Conscientiousness

High scorers tend to be reliable, well-organized, self-disciplined, careful; Low scorers tend to be disorganized, undependable, negligent.
You are very well-organized, and can be relied upon. (Your percentile: 86)

Extraversion

High scorers tend to be sociable, friendly, fun loving, talkative; Low scorers tend to be introverted, reserved, inhibited, quiet.
You tend to shy away from social situations. (Your percentile: 31)

Agreeableness

High scorers tend to be good natured, sympathetic, forgiving, courteous; Low scorers tend to be critical, rude, harsh, callous.
You tend to consider the feelings of others. (Your percentile: 69)

Neuroticism

High scorers tend to be nervous, high-strung, insecure, worrying; Low scorers tend to be calm, relaxed, secure, hardy.
You probably remain calm, even in tense situations. (Your percentile: 4)

I'm a O53-C86-E31-A69-N4 Big Five!!

Taking a MASSIVE SHIT on political correctness

2005-12-10T12:56:00.000-08:00

Fucked up daily saying: Submarine duty'll be perfect for you when you go into the Navy, you hate people. My homeboy Eddie's reaction to my plans for going into the Navy as a nuclear engineer. Thanks Ed, never one to sugar-coat shit huh?

Today I'm gonna rant on something that really pisses me off. If you guessed political correctness then "HOT DAMN! YOU GOT IT CHIEF!" I swear if I hear one more person call a fatboy "metabolically hampered" or a short person/midget "vertically challenged" I'm gonna lose it. Do people REALLY think sugar-coating shit is somehow gonna make the condition go away? Guess what folks, IT ISN'T. It's my personal opinion that a person's thought is only as good as their language and as such I think it's ridiculous to "neuter" the language we speak. And at a time when our country is in an educational crisis what with that No Child Left Behind bullshit, attempting to sterilize our native tongue is outright ignorant to me. The following is a list of euphemisms that grate my nerves.

Post traumatic stress disorder - It's SHELL-SHOCK DAMMIT! Oh I'm sorry, shell-shock doesn't sound nice and cuddly? DEAL WITH IT! IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE A NICE WORD BECAUSE IT DESCRIBES A STATE IN WHICH THE MIND'S BEEN OVERLOADED! I'm with m'boy George Carlin on this one, if we'd never stopped calling it shell-shock then maybe a lot of Vietnam vets with this condition would've gotten the medical attention they needed.

Dental appliances - The hell? Y'mean false teeth/dentures? Well dammit why not just say the shit and call it a day.

Previously owned transporation - Fuck you salesmen and your shitty attempts to make your buckets on the lot sound great. Say used car and spare me the time you'd suck out of my life every time you use this over-extended phrase eh?

Occasional irregularity - Ok....when did it stop being aight to say CONSTIPATION? Hell, why not keep it REAL simple and just say "I couldn't shit." Seems a lot more sensible to me.

Health Maintenance Organization - A HOSPITAL! IT'S A FUCKIN' HOSPITAL!

Healthcare Delivery Professional - For goodness sake can't anyone say doctor anymore?

Sub-standard inner city housing area - A slum dammit! A fuckin' SLUM!

Negative cash-flow position - YOU'RE BROKE! B-R-O-K-E!

Engaging in disinformation - Oh I love this one. This is the government's cute way of saying they LIED TO YOU.

Physically challenged/Differently abled - CRIPPLE! It was ok to say in the Bible so why isn't it ok to use everyday? I'mean bullshitting the condition isn't going to make it go away, and last I checked there was NO reason to be ashamed of being crippled.

Minimally exceptional - Awww, a nice and sweet way of saying, "FUCKIN' STUPID!"

Those with severe appearance deficit - UGLY PEOPLE! 4 syllables, who would've thought huh?

I'm gonna get off my pedestal now, hopefully you've been amused by my fuming rant. And as promised, the following thumb-nailed pics of myself, the ever-elusive Nova.

I got nothin'

2005-12-09T21:47:00.000-08:00

I've got nothing tonight, so here's some stuff to amuse you/take up your time.

Triumph at Star Wars premiere

Too sexy for his dignity

Alcohol + Stupidity = College!

What if MJ had a burger chain?

A different take on Willy Wonka

Yoda calls a hotline

I'll have something amusing and possibly even thought-provoking tomorrow. In addition, I shall do the unthinkable....I will reveal my face to the world!

Tryin' a different spin on this

2005-12-07T15:06:00.000-08:00

As homage to the great Ms. Jia (bows for I am unworthy LOL) I'm gonna modify the format today so it won't be my usual rambling dribble. But of course, it's gonna have that lil' bit of Nova flair.

Fucked up daily saying: What in the fuck are two lesbians doing buying a pack of condoms? Are they sharing dildos? Trevor the security guy at Kroger last night after the obvious happened. Oh yeah baby the bar has been lowered by someone OTHER than me! It's nice to know that I'll have company in hell. LMAO

Spinning right now: You Came Up by Big Pun and Noreaga (Try to remember me for my aggressive will, The way I kept it real is more important than any record deal) Aye, I may not be going into entertainment, but I dare you to find ANYBODY who grew up knowing me will tell you that Nova ain't synonymous with tenacious. Dammit if ya boy sets a goal he's gonna make it happen. Period.

Today's random shit: Why is everybody tryin' to sign on with G Unit? I'mean damn the money 50's pulling in MUST be the shit for Mase and Mob Deep to jump on board. I just really hope that self-important fucker doesn't go through with his plan for 50 Cent condoms and sex toys.

Has everybody else out there seen the footage of that nut at the Miami/Orlando airport? I swear I have NO sympathy for the dumbass that got killed. Shit, if I was the marshall on the plane and some dude screamed he had a bomb and refused to comply, I'd shoot the bastard too. I can't wait to see the media field-day that's gonna result from this fiasco.

Well I'm sitting here in an ATL hotel passing the time until I get to wake up at 4:00 tomorrow morning to go to MEPS. Ah joy. Hey, is it me or has Saddam lost what's left of his damn mind? You're not scared to die huh motherfucker? Aight, how bout we throw your ass into a crowd of 500 people who suffered under your dictatorship. I'mean you hard right? Yeah yeah yeah, no transition. Blame it on my short attention span.

Damn what was I gonna talk about today? Oh yeah, Porn. I swear if I wasn't so scared of somebody I know seeing the vids, I'd really think about doing it. I'mean damn, if you play your cards right you can make some ridiculous loot fuckin' in front of cameras. Too bad it's obviously not as easy as it looks. Add to that the fact that I REFUSE to have raw sex with a chick who I'm not exclusive with, and let's just say that my odds of going into the jizz-biz are pretty much non-existant. Seriously, I saw an outtakes/behind-the-scenes of one porno, and while it was quite amusing, I can't see myself doing the whole stop-go fucking for who the hell knows how long. I just wanna please the woman, get my rocks off and if it was particulary good take my ass to sleep.

With that in mind, I really have to tip my hat off to dudes in porn. Keeping an erection for as long as I'd imagine they do has gotta hurt after a while. Shit, after an hour or so I want a break simply so my dick won't be damaged from an overly prolonged boner. And I definitely salute women in porn. Hell, they have to do some NASTY shit. I just couldn't imagine why a woman would want a dude to pound her asshole while another one is risking impregnating her. Doesn't sound like the greatest fuckin' idea to me. But then again, I'm not a woman so what the hell do I know. That's all for today folks. Good night, God bless, and may your future hold many orgasms and sordid sex stories.

Things that I just don't understand

2005-12-04T23:21:00.000-08:00

It's late, I'm tired and I've got a bunch of random shit going through my head right now. Normally I'd at least TRY to make a coherent post, but fuck it this one's gonna be full of random babble and shit that just outright confuses me.

1. Why is prostitution illegal? I'm completely with George Carlin on this one because it doesn't make any fuckin' sense to me. Think about it people, selling is legal and fucking is legal. WHY ISN'T SELLING FUCKING LEGAL?! Y'mean to tell me you can legally buy a video of other people fucking but can't legally dispense funds to get YOURSELF laid? Shit, of all the things you could do to a person making them bust a nut is far from the worst thing. I don't get why the hell it's illegal to sell something that's perfectly legal to give away. Maybe I'm not supposed to understand it.

2. Why do people bitch and moan when they see SOMEONE ELSE in an interracial relationship? This is really ridiculous. Hell if you're not one of the people in the relationship then guess what? It's NONE OF YOUR FUCKIN' BUSINESS! :) People like this should be thrown screaming from a helicopter.

3. Am I the only one who wonders why the biggest idiots are often the ones in positions of power? I'm seriously starting to believe that, more often than not, if you want to progress in life you need to be an idiot with a lotta friends. Hell, who gives a shit what you know right? The important thing is to be able to bullshit everyone else into THINKING you're not a complete fuckin' moron.

4. Do people really lose as much control as they CLAIM to when they're drunk? I love to get my nip on every now and then, but I've never been so drunk that I lost control of myself. Hell, I normally don't even drink enough to get drunk. I understand that alcohol impairs your judgement and motor skills, but I seriously believe that lots of people use "I was drunk" as an excuse when they were really quite aware of what the hell they were doing. Case in point, I don't care how drunk I am, I'm not gonna just "forget" that I'm having or have just had sex with someone. Ain't enough liquor in the world.

5. Why do I feel a tingle in my left temple? It kinda feels like somebody's tickling my left frontal lobe. I wonder if this is what drugs make you feel like...

6. Am I weird because my dream car is $80-90K? I'mean really, FUCK a Lambo. No really, why the hell would I want something like that on my insurance? Shit. Gimme a BMW M6 any day of the week. Well, in 2.5 years, gotta hit 25 first. LOL

7. Is it a bad thing when even your close friends say you tend to be a bit anti-social? I simply like to think of myself as being the "strong, silent type." You guys agree, right? (crickets chirping) FORGET YOU GUYS THEN! (sits in the corner and pouts)

8. How in the hell do some older folks figure I'm selfish because I don't see marriage/kids ANYWHERE in my life before 30? Wow....so apparently I'm selfish because I wanna have my shit together before I even think about taking a wife or fathering children. Add to that my crippling fear of committing to a woman who wasn't in my life when I didn't have shit and according to some people I'm INCREDIBLY selfish. Bullshit. I just refuse to father a child when I don't have the means to properly raise one. It's kinda funny how the people who've told me this are struggling financially. And if a person wasn't there for you when you were on the come up, y'better be careful cuz he/she might be trying to play you for a fool. I've seen it happen and it's happened to me, keep ya guard up folks.

Yeah my "numbers" are low, FUCK YOU

2005-12-02T02:29:00.000-08:00

I was having a convo with a couple of my boys yesterday when something became painfully clear that I really haven't thought about previously. I've been with a VERY small number of women for a guy my age. Seriously, each of my closest homeboys has been with 10+ females that I KNOW about. Hmmmm.....normally I'm not even phased in the slightest but I gotta admit I did feel a little inadequate at the time. Hell, I can still count the chicks I've been with biblically on one hand.

So yeah, I took a shot to the pride for a minute but then I remembered something. The main reason my "numbers" are so low is because I've always been that handle my fuckin' business first kinda guy. Granted, I know as well as the next guy that sex is nice, but I'm at the stage of my life where I'm laying the ground-work to get PAID dammit. Hell, I've got my whole life (figuratively speaking) to knock boots, but if I don't continue grinding now, I'll never be able to put my shit on cruise-control.

And there you have it folks. Nova likes the nookie too, but he likes financial security SO much more. Hell, money pays bills, NOT pussy. So while a lotta brothas are out there worried to death about how many conquests they can get, I'm gonna keep busting my ass for about 4 more years so I can be in a position to just let da shit ride.

The shit I see at Kroger.....

2005-12-01T01:10:00.000-08:00

It's damn 4:13 in the fuckin' morning and I'm awake. Why you ask? Because tonight I saw some of the wildest shit at Kroger that I've ever seen in my damn life. That and it brought back memories of other shit I've seen there in recent months. Before I go on, keep in mind that the Kroger I usually make my night stops at has 3 crackhouses on different sides of it and each of them is within half a mile of the store.

I almost always wait until the night shift to hit-up Kroger because m'boy Mike is a cashier there and is much more of a people person than most cashiers I've encountered. But tonight was a "once in a lifetime, all the stars are in fucked-up alignment" nights. Some guy came in and asked Trevor (the security guard) where the bathroom was. T pointed it out to 'em and as he walked toward somebody PLEASE tell me why he had a rubber strap in one hand? I'mean damn, you'd think the guy would try to be more discreet about going to shoot-up. Apparently once you get a craving for a hit public opinion REALLY goes out the window.

Then, a guy who's been known to steal from the store comes in and is pissed off because Mike's on shift. It turns out Mike's the guy who turned the fucker in 3-4 times in the past for trying to steal from the store. Dude was mumbling incoherently and absolutely REEKED of weed. I'mean damn, I could smell traces of it when I got back to my place. I can't remember ever stripping down so fast to get my clothes into the washing machine.

Next interesting incident, after I wandered off to the magazine rack for a few minutes to give my brain a break I returned to the front of the store where Mike and Trevor asked if I'd seen "the herd." Less than 2 minutes later, here they come. One of the three girls was kinda cute, had WAY too much goin' on in the breast dept though. (Hey, I like breasts but anything over DD is a bit much for my taste, and I'm an ass and thighs kinda guy anyway) The other two, however, look like a pair of M&Ms. What's worse, one of them actually had on an M&M jacket! LMAO After they left Trevor made the comment that there's so many places you could stuff your head on those two where it really shouldn't go. Thanks Trevor......thanks for giving me that fucked up mental picture, I 'preciate that.

Then there's the lady who's apparently the wife of God. Oh yeah, and Bruce Willis is her father. No.....I didn't make that up. I bet her drug-induced world is so much fun though.

That was it for tonight thankfully. Well, that was it by the time I'd left the store. And just think folks, all this happened within the span of 2 hours. I do wonder whatever happened to "doughnut-man" though. He came into the store one night, grabbed a pack of doughnuts (the 10 for $10 store brand), and took them to the cashier belt where he demanded that Mike buy them for him. LMAO And oddly enough, he got irate when Mike refused. Hey dipshit, last I checked the CUSTOMER pays for the goods, NOT the cashier. He even challenged Mike to a fight outside for the doughnuts before the cops kicked him off the premises (there's a small PD within the store). Ah Kroger.....thou hast robbed me of what little innocence I did still have.

POW! Stuck ya in ya ass!

2005-11-30T00:19:00.000-08:00

Ok, I've noticed a few blogs I've come across lately have addressed it so I'm gonna put my 2 cents in. That's right folks, I'm talkin' about "beatin' tha brown-eye," "stuffing the sphincter," "pounding the poop-chute." Or as I tend to so politely call it, butt-fucking. Now I'm not gonna knock anybody's preferences, but sticking my dick in a girl's asshole just doesn't appeal to me. As m'boy Thrash used to say "Stanky on the hang-down ain't cool."

And truthfully, I don't see what a girl's desire for it would stem from. I'mean last I checked sometimes it hurts to take a shit, so why the hell would anyone want a meat-pole up there? Hell, I'd feel like I was committing assault if I stuffed my schlong in a girl's pooper. Don't get me wrong, if I'm doing the monogamous thing with a girl and she wants me to do it then I'd give it a shot, but not without a shitload of paranoia. Y'know, thoughts like, "Doesn't this hurt her?," "How long is it gonna take for this to be over?," or better yet "Did she take an enema first?" Aye, I'm all about pleasing my woman, but I'll be damned if I'm gonna get shit on my dick.

Yeah I went there, I've heard about dudes pluggin' a girl's ass and ending up with a "stinky chocolate surprise" on their shit when they pull out. Not Nova dammit, no way in this life or the next. Funny thing is, my homeboy Dimebag will put it in a girl's ass at the first opportunity. And sadly, I can't argue with his logic behind it. As far as he's concerned, if he gets a girl in the "out" hole, he doesn't have to worry about accidental pregnancy. (shrugs) That's true, but damn I've gotta have more reason than that to put my member in a dark, shitty cave. Last I checked, my dick didn't do anything to deserve being choked to death in such a place.

Well there's my two cents. Nothing wrong with anal play if that's your thing, but truthfully it just ain't my bag.

P.S. To all those with an unpleasant anal experience, I'm sorry for ya, but that's what ya get for lettin' dude blam you in the pooper! LMAO

Shopping on Black Friday? FUCK DAT SHIT MAN!!

2005-11-27T19:48:00.000-08:00

Black Friday, the biggest shopping day of the fiscal year here in the good ol' U.S. of A. Y'know, I've certainly got nothing against shopping for a good deal, but after having gone out with Mom to catch the sales at Wal-Mart, etc. Friday I can confidently say this. NO FUCKIN' MORE!! From the moment we stepped foot into the local Wal-Mart Supercenter, I just shook my head in disgust. It never ceases to amaze me how people are perfectly comfortable trampling others (kids, elderly, hell they don't give half a fuck) to save $30 bucks on a fuckin' DVD player. Thankfully, nobody was trampled while we were there, but the shit I saw on CNN after Mom and I got back to the house later that morning made my stomach turn. There was even an incident I saw where an elderly woman was damn-near trampled by a mob in one particular Wal-Mart. Here's what came to MY mind after seeing/hearing about this incident, "HOW IN THE FUCK DID PEOPLE NOT NOTICE THEY WERE WALKING ON TOP OF SOMEONE?!" (sighs) Oh well, I guess we all can't have common sense or a sense of decency huh? But thankfully I did manage to see a few televised fights in various stores around the country that I found nothing short of amusing. For instance, there was one clip of two white guys slugging it out over an X-box360. I'mean they were goin' at it like it was a fuckin' heavyweight title match. (grabs my popcorn) "GET 'EM TOMMY! DON'T LET 'EM TAKE YOUR SYSTEM THAT YOU RIGHTFULLY SNATCHED FROM 'EM!" Oops, where was I? Oh yeah, but anyway, these two guys were seriously trying to just about kill each other for a damn gaming console. Hell, I'm a gamer too, but shit it's not THAT deep. Besides, this time next year I can get a used one for $300 instead of the current $400. Anybody else have any interesting stories about the shopping madness? If so, make sure to send me a pic and/or video, there's nothing like a good laugh.

Fellas, listen up....

2005-11-25T02:02:00.000-08:00

Ok, this particular post is being done at the behest at a few close female friends of mine. So fellas, here's a few things to keep in mind if you're dating/trying to date a girl or hittin' the sheets with her. More the latter than the former though.

1. Have some decent clothes. Personally, I'm usually a t-shirt and jeans/sweats kinda guy, but please believe that I have no shortage of nice clothes when it's time to step out. You don't have to have Sean John or Ecko (pops my collar) but at least have a nice shirt and some pressed jeans/slacks. And if you're looking for a suit, keep in mind that every man should have 4 suits in the following colors: black, navy, brown, and grey/charcoal.

2. If you're gonna play with her "honeypot" make damn sure your fingernails are cut. Truthfully, I honestly didn't think there were dudes out there who actually tried to finger a girl without clipping their nails 'til a homegirl brought it to my attention. Guys, if you don't cut your nails with you play with hers, don't be surprised if she uses her nails on your shit. Just a thought.

3. Believe it or not, it's OKAY to eat your girl's pussy. I know most fellas would never admit to doing this but I'm just gonna come out and tell it like it is. I'm not gonna put my face between just any girl's thighs, but I will happily go down on a girl that I'm exclusive with like it's an all-night buffet. Personally, I'm really not concerned about whether or not she'll do me in return, but fellas if you wanna get you'd better be fuckin' prepared to give.

4. Keep ya dick and nuts shaved or neatly trimmed and cleaned as often as possible. Ok, while I understand that as a male we can be a little "less than fresh" down below when we've just left the gym, it's unexcusable at other times. Some of my homegirls have actually said that they've seen dudes so hairy that they almost couldn't see their nuts. Guys, y'may think it's fruity, but I'm telling ya from experience, a girl will more likely give you some hellified head if you're neat and clean in the penile/testicular region. The ladies don't like musty nuts. LOL

5. Don't talk a big game if you can't deliver. This one's simple, if you've got a baby-dick and get done in 5 minutes, DO NOT try to pass yourself off as some kinda sex god. I've heard about it happening, and believe me fellas ladies DO talk about the dick. So if you talked mad shit and came off wack as hell, well......you already know. If you get a little excited and bust that first one a little quick (by quick I mean 10 minutes not 2) don't stress, just keep her hot with your mouth/hands and get that fucker back up and ready for round 2.

6. It's probably not a good idea to fuck when you're drunk. For me personally this one's a BIG no-no. If I'm not sober, it's not going down. The odds of you doing something stupid in bed while under the influence is magnified exponentially. So your best bet is to try to be sober when you're gonna start bumpin' uglies.

You need a roundhouse to the ribs muhfucker!

2005-11-21T15:36:00.000-08:00

Today's post is going to be dedicated to a few people who've uttered things stupid enough to deserve me roundhouse kicking their asses dead in the ribcage. Without further ado, let's get started.

Ah, Pat Robertson. I can't immediately think of ANYONE who's said more bigoted and ignorant shit than this fool. From his recent calls to assasinate Manuel Noreaga to his lies about not wanting America to become a theocracy, there's too many thing this moron has been allowed to say. For example:

"There is no such thing as separation of church and state in the Constitution. It is a lie of the Left and we are not going to take it anymore."
Hmmmm......lemme see here, "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof..." Awwww, poor Pat, looks like that bit of drivel's been shot down by THE CONSTITUTION of all things. Liberal lie my ass.

"Many of those people involved with Adolph Hitler were Satanists, many of them were homosexuals--the two things seem to go together."
Don't ya love it when shitheads make completely false statements? Last I checked Hitler HATED homosexuals with a passion. In fact, if memory serves correctly, Nazis killed homosexuals just as happily as they did Jews.

"Just like what Nazi Germany did to the Jews, so liberal America is now doing to the evangelical Christians. It's no different. It is the same thing. It is happening all over again. It is the Democratic Congress, the liberal-based media and the homosexuals who want to destroy the Christians. Wholesale abuse and discrimination and the worst bigotry directed toward any group in America today. More terrible than anything suffered by any minority in history."
Now this is incredibly offensive. Dammit I'm a Christian and I've never been discriminated against in this country because of my religion. For my race yeah, but not my religion. And the audacity of this bastard to make light of the holocaust makes my blood boil.

Oh boy, Ted Kennedy. Considered by many I know to be an utter embarassment to the Democratic party. Here's some of his gems.

"Frankly, I don't mind not being President. I just mind that someone else is."
Aw c'mon Ted. If you're gonna say something stupid at least try not to contradict yourself.

"Dad, I'm in some trouble. There's been an accident and you're going to hear all sorts of things about me from now on. Terrible things."
Why do I have the gut feeling that this had everything to do with him riding into the river and leaving the woman who was with him in the car behind while he saved himself from drowning and left the scene?

"Integrity is the lifeblood of democracy. Deceit is a poison in its veins."
I believe in the ideals of this country, but Ted should know that if his statement is true then dammit democracy's blood is FILLED with poison.

Hey! It's pill-popping hypocrite Rush Limbaugh! Let's see what his goodie grab-bag of ignorance has for us.

"Enraging liberals is simply one of the more enjoyable side effects of my wisdom."
HOLY DOG-SHIT! RUSH LIMBAUGH HAS WISDOM?!

"Bigot-A person who wins an argument with a liberal"
Bigot (n.)-One who is strongly partial to one's own group, religion, race, or politics and is intolerant of those who differ. Hey Rush, sounds a lot like YOU buddy! Now I'm neither liberal nor conservative, I'm a moderate. But dammit last I checked this was a free country, so if you disagree with others' viewpoint fine, just have the decency to be semi-tolerant.

"Compassion is no substitute for justice."
Funny, last I checked your pill-popping ass wanted compassion when the news came to light. To quote YOU Rush, "If you commit a crime, you're guilty." So I have the law should treat your sorry ass the same way as anyone Joe Schmo.

Here we have Dan Quayle, a man whose quotes REALLY make me call his intelligence into question. How he hasn't managed to accidentally remove himself from the gene-pool is beyond me.

"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a *part* of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a *part* of Europe."
We're a part of Europe? Really? Damn, and all this time I thought we were a part of North America. I guess all the maps and globes I've ever seen in life are all wrong.

"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century."
What tha FUCK?! Kids, here's another reason why you shouldn't do drugs. It'll make you say things like this.

"For NASA, space is still a high priority."
Uh.....isn't space NASAs PRIMARY priority?

"Mars is essentially in the same orbit... Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe."
Tell ya what Dan. I'll go to Mars with you and after we set foot on the surface you can take your helmet off first. After all, we can breathe on Mars right? We don't REALLY need an atmosphere to breathe with our helmets off right?

Here's some from people I don't have pics of.

Sen. Barbara Boxer - Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, "Thank God, I'm still alive." But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again.
No shit. Dying would be a pretty dramatic change for your life.

Bill Clinton - You know, if I were a single man, I might ask that mummy out. That's a good-looking mummy!
Dammit Bill! Have you learned NOTHING from the Lewinsky scandal?!

My paranoia regarding marriage

2005-11-17T11:28:00.000-08:00

I came up with the idea for this posting around 7:30 p.m. yesterday after a short chat with a former teacher of mine informing her that I'd be using her as a character reference for my Navy security clearance. Now, don't get me wrong, I truly believe that if you fall in love with someone who loves AND respects you then marriage is a beautiful thing. But, since I'm sure you all wanna know (yea right lol) I'm gonna give you guys insight as to why I'm none too keen on the idea.

1. I've had my kindness taken for weakness more than my fair share of times by the opposite sex. Now I know this has at least to some extent happened to EVERYONE, but for me personally, it's hard to let go when someone betrays my trust. I give every individual the benefit of the doubt, but after a while you can't help but start being skeptical of damn-near everyone you come across.

2. Too many girls I went to highschool with are suddenly "popping up" now that I'm about to graduate. Here's another reason for me to raise an eyebrow, chicks who wouldn't give me the time of day are suddenly emailing me or otherwise trying to get in contact with me. Shit, if you didn't want anything to do with me back then why the hell should I bother with your ass now? How 'bout this, I'll do my thing and you just keep it movin'.

3. I've gotten pretty used to answering to nobody. What can I say? I've gotten kinda comfortable doing the solo thing. (shrugs)

4. I just can't see myself putting that much trust in a female who wasn't in my support group when I was on the come-up. This is my BIGGEST concern. In my opinion, it's easy for a woman to love a man when he can provide her with the lifestyle that she wants, but would she have loved him when he didn't have shit? Hmmmm......makes ya wonder. If I fell for a girl I'd definitely give her the benefit of the doubt, but you can never be too careful. I've seen too many guys get shafted by girls they thought loved 'em. So if a girl suddenly pops up within the next few years and acts interested, she's gonna be under the microscope for a minute.

Yet another brain-dump

2005-11-09T13:05:00.000-08:00

Here's a few things that've been on my mind lately.

1. Why're dudes my age STILL ashamed to admit that they polish the nightstick? C'mon now, at 22 years old I think it's safe to say that EVERY American male does or has done it. It ain't shit to be ashamed of, hell it's yours. If you wanna play with your meat-pistol, then so be it. Just don't do that shit in public.

2. Why do some man girls I know look for "hidden meanings" in shit that we guys say/do? Look, we're NOT that fuckin' complicated! Most of the time the answers you're looking for are pretty clear via our words/body language.

3. Why's the Navy screening me like I'm going into Intelligence? I'mean damn, I know the Nuclear Program is pretty high-security too, but shit. I've NEVER had to have SO FUCKIN' MUCH documentation for ANYTHING IN MY LIFE!

4. Why in THEE HELL (Jia, 2005) is Mr. Pre-Op Tranny still trying to holla at me? That shit ain't cool. Some people are just too fuckin' persistant.

5. Who in the world told Britney Spears' husband he can rap? I'mean I haven't even HEARD any of his tracks but from what I've seen of some of the lyrics.......it's pretty pathetic. But I guess being rich means you can do whatever the hell you want.

6. Why in THE FUCK did Dimebag answer my call last night when he was in the middle of gettin' a hummer? Hearing a girl slurping on the other end fucked up my night.

P.S. Ya boy just got in from the Navy recruiter's office around 3:15 and how bout I scored a muhfuckin' 97 on my ASVAB?! HELL YEAH DAMMIT! Not only that, but I found out that the massive amount of documentation they need is due to the fact that I won't be getting secret clearance, but damn TOP-SECRET CLEARANCE! (raises my fists in the air triumphantly)

Am I the ONLY normal one?

2005-11-08T06:30:00.000-08:00

Ok I'm gonna go ahead and confess......yes I'm 22 and I still read comics, I love anime, and I still play video-games (even though that's still acceptable by today's standards at my age). I happened to be at Gamestop today to ask if they knew when the Playstation 3 was going to hit stores. There was a group of three dudes in there that looked liked the white version of Urkel. I'mean seriously, the first thought to come to mind when I looked at them was, "I bet they LOVE RPGs (Role-Playing Games)." For your viewing pleasure, they kinda looked like this:

I'mean really, the only people that know that I still read comics and am a fan of anime are those whom I've actually told. If you saw me in the street, hell I look like your average brotha. But I've noticed that the majority of guys who have these same interests are fuckin' poindexters. There's nothing wrong, in my opinion, with still enjoying these mediums of entertainment once you reach adulthood, but it seems to me that a lot of guys who're into these same things don't seem to be able to draw the line between fantasy and reality. Hell, I plan on going to an anime convention in the next 2-3 years to see what they're like, but to me there's something a lil' eerie about grown-ass men dressing up as FEMALE anime characters (yes I've seen pictures of that shit). The following pics are further examples. In the first, some guy is dressed up as Auron from Final Fantasy X and I've gotta say, his portrayal of the character is pretty damned good.
Now while I can deal with something like that just fine, it's the pic below and shit like it that's sorta unsettling to me. No your eyes aren't deceiving you, that's a grown-ass man and two chicks dressed as some shit outta Pokemon. I swear, I share interests with people willing to do some STRANGE ASS SHIT.

Wash ya nasty ass muhfucka!

2005-11-06T18:13:00.000-08:00

Ya know, I'm sure all of you have encountered somebody who looks and smells like they fell outta a hippo's ass, so I'm gonna dedicate this "comeback" post to nasty mofos who obviously hate to bathe. Just to put this in perspective, I feel bad for the homeless, I really do, but if you're NOT homeless then there's NO fuckin' excuse for lookin' like this guy.
As a military brat, I'll be the first to tell ya that unfortunately some of these nasty-ass bastards manage to get into uniform as well. Matter of fact, there was a dude who was one of my dad's soldiers years ago who just hated the thought of washing his ass. It got to the point that dad and his CO threw that nasty fucker in a shower stall butt-naked and FORCED him to wash. Now that's a damn shame when a fuckin' 24 year old E-4 in the Army has to be made by his superiors to wash the filth from his body. Here's yet another example of how you SHOULDN'T appear if your ass has a damn home to go to with lights, running water and all that shit:

Poor Man's Cribs

I'm gettin' major writer's block right now, but I'll be back tomorrow with more goofy shit for your viewing please. I'M OUT DIS BITCH!!

CLASS IS STILL IN SESSION FOR ME!! HELL YEAH!

2005-11-02T21:08:00.000-08:00

Well folks the man upstairs was looking out for ya boy. The student loan that I needed to pay for school came through. Just thought I'd give everybody that update. Dammit I've feeling good right now, I think I'm gonna knock back a couple of brews and call it a night early tonight.

Sadly, this might be the end for now....

2005-11-01T08:45:00.000-08:00

Folks, I'm gonna need you to say a prayer for ya boy. I'm short $3K for school and have yet to find a co-signer for my loan. If something doesn't come up for me by Friday, it looks like finishing school is gonna be put off for a year or two while I enlist in the Air Force or the Army. That's the downside of going to a private university....those of us who aren't rich gotta struggle to pay for it. Unlike a lot of the rich kids that attend, I'm middle class dammit and I can't afford to just snatch money outta my ass left and right. Some hellified shit to have happen my last year of school huh?

Some random-ass observations

2005-10-31T08:00:00.000-08:00

Yeah I know, I know, I've been outta the loop for a few days. Couldn't be helped I had a lotta shit to do. But for those who have a problem with it (turns around and moons the audience) BITE MY SHINY YELLOW ASS! Well now that that's outta the way, here's a list of random observations from yours truly.

1. Am I the only one who's noticed that the people with the WORST dragon-breath are the ones who want to stand 2 inches from your face when they talk? I'mean damn, I know my breath isn't minty fresh at all times but if your breath is stronger than Schwarzenegger on a steroid binge please back the hell up.

2. Why do people spend ungodly amounts on a car when they live in an apartment? I KNOW I'm not the only one who sees a problem here. A little tip for the overly hood-rich, upgrade your living arrangement first and then worry about your vehicle, not vice-versa.

3. What in the hell makes people who already drive like shit decide it's ok for them to attempt to drive and talk on their cell at the same time? PUT THAT DAMN PHONE DOWN BEFORE YOU HIT MY ASS!

4. Why is school so damn trying on the patience your final year? I swear it's getting to the point where I'm counting down the days until May 13 and it's not even 2nd semester yet. Man I'm so ready to get the hell up outta here.

Well that's all I've got time for this morning, later folks!

Ok, ok so I got a little outta hand

2005-10-25T06:53:00.000-07:00

Today I'm gonna take a cue from Humanity Critic and recount some incidents in the past where I kinda sorta lost my temper. For what it's worth I'm actually quite calm 95% of the time......it's the other 5% when things tend to get a little....uh......ugly. So without further ado.....

Defending her honor:
This little mishap took place about 6 months ago. I was on the phone with my ex (we were still together at the time) when some prick that she dated a few years back beeps in. I'm not the type to go off over something like that, but it turned out that dude was harassing her on the other line. Now I'm VERY protective of those I care about, so you can imagine me being quite heated when she clicked back over crying. Being the calm and understanding guy that I am, I let her know that I was gonna hang up real quick and that I wanted her to page me in on 3-way so I could hear the slick shit this SOB was saying to her. So I hang up, she pages me back in, and I quietly listen for a minute. Lemme just say dude was saying some foul shit and I couldn't take hearing my baby cry anymore, so (against my better judgement) I chimed in at full rage. I said, and I quote, "Listen up you obsessive piece of shit, she broke with you like 2 years ago because all you wanted was to get into her fuckin' pants! You call her one more GOTDAMN time harassing her or her family and I'll push your shit into the ground with my bare fuckin' hands! Do you understand me?! I SAID DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME YOU FUCKIN' SHITHEAD?!" Suffice to say, the harassing calls stopped. lol Funny thing is, to this day she says that even though she was kinda scared because she didn't know I had that kinda rage inside, she was flattered that I cared enough to intervene like that. (shrugs) What can I say? I'm the protective type LOL.

Dealing with a racist asshole:
Strolling down memory lane for this one, all the way back to 8th grade. There was the redneck prick at my school by the name of Clay and I swear, outside of school he could've been the poster child for the KKK (or K cubed for the Mountain Dew generation). One day after gym he was giving my homeboy Andy a bunch of shit for being Puerto-Rican so I thought I'd step between the two of 'em before things escalated. As I work to calm Andy down that fuckin' redneck had the NERVE to stand behind me and say, "I'm gonna get your ass after school nigger." (Cue total silence as I slowly turned around and looked that bastard in the eye) I distinctly remember tellin' this dude who was like 5" taller than me, "I wish you WOULD try me motherfucker..." Fast forward to after school that day, I decided to hang out with a friend of mine who lived just down the street from our school when I suddenly hear the N-bomb and feel a punch in the back of my head....I just KNEW it was that bastard Clay. So I did what any self-respecting young man would do, I spun around and broke his jaw. Then, feeling quite content, I resumed my walk to my homeboy's house. Yeah I know that probably wasn't the best way to react, but dammit it made me feel good.

Nova the loan shark:

It's VERY seldom that I loan money to anyone simply because I know how a lot of people can be about paying it back. This incident was roughly 2 years ago when I loaned a guy I knew $50 so "his electricity wouldn't be shut-off." Yeah yeah, I know, "Nova what the hell were you thinking man?!" Well the short answer is that I wasn't and I had a moment of sympathy. After a month of ol' boy ducking me, I decided I'd be the bigger man and cut my losses. Granted, I could've done a few things with that $50, but it wasn't a big loss to me so it wasn't worth getting my blood up. That is until dude finally resurfaced to try to bum some more cash. Evidently dude thought I was some kinda damn money tree. I looked at him and calmly said, "Look man, you STILL owe me $50 from TWO MONTHS AGO! What the hell makes you think I'm gonna give you another loan?! Truthfully, I should get you Mafia-style and break ya damn kneecaps!" I don't think I'll ever hear from him again. LMAO

See how your IQ stacks up

2005-10-24T11:47:00.000-07:00

I saw this one on Xquizzty1's blog and thought it'd be a good place holder until I have time to do today's entry later.

Your IQ Is 120

Your Logical Intelligence is Below Average

Your Verbal Intelligence is Exceptional

Your Mathematical Intelligence is Genius

Your General Knowledge is Exceptional

A Quick and Dirty IQ Test

I gotta say, given that my thought process is typically quite logical, I'm highly disappointed in my Logical Intelligence score. (shrugs) Oh well, shit happens I guess.

The things I see at the store....

2005-10-23T22:04:00.000-07:00

I swear one of these days I'm gonna learn to accept the fact that I almost never have a day in my life where I do hear/see/do some shit that's COMPLETELY off the damn wall. Today seemed like it was actually going to be bland and uneventful when I woke up today. Apparently, the Kroger down the street from me had different plans.

Roughly 2 hours ago I headed to Kroger to get some rubbing alcohol and bandages for some cuts on my leg and as I'm walking up to the door, some dude who's all of 5'3" and 120 lbs. comes out walking like he's my size. (I'm 5'7", 170, muscular build) Now I'm not gonna knock anybody for having confidence in his/her swagger, but dammit don't try to walk like Ronnie Coleman when you're the size of Reggie Miller. After chuckling to myself I go inside, head over to the first aid area and outta the corner of my eye I catch some dude on the soda aisle in deep contemplation. Normally I could care less what other people are doing as long as it's not affecting me but I had to be nosy and walk past the guy to see what the hell was so interesting. Turns out the guy was doing his damndest to decide whether or not he wanted a 2-liter of Diet Pepsi or Diet Coke. And yes, in case you're wondering, the guy was the size of the Goodyear blimp. Hell, if he really wants to do himself a favor he should've taken his ass down to the end of the aisle and grabbed a 2-gallon jug of water. I had to get the hell away from big boy to keep from laughin' at his ass. On the way out of the store I see some shit I've NEVER seen before. A transvestite hooker. And this mofo had the AUDACITY to proposition me! Do I want what? A DATE?! FUCK NO!! YOUR ARMS ARE BIGGER THAN MINE AND WITH THAT ADAM'S APPLE YOU SURE AS HELL AIN'T A WOMAN! Well........I didn't get THAT mean and nasty, but I made it pretty freakin' clear that I wasn't interested. Just another day in my life.

What your car should or shouldn't look like when you're done

2005-10-21T08:15:00.000-07:00

I know I'm not the only one who's seen the cars of guys who tried to pimp 'em out and came away with pimp-my-ride rejects right? Seriously, I have to wonder what exactly some guys who claim to be working on their cars were trying to accomplish. Now I understand, everybody has their own tastes in vehicles and customization is no different, but damn these next few I'm gonna show you guys are just fuckin' EYESORES! (This post dedicated to my homegirl Ebony cuz she feels my pain LOL)

Anybody care to guess at what's wrong with this shitvic? Don't rack your brains kiddies, the short answer is..........IT'S NOT IN THE CAR CRUSHER! As far as the creator of this monstrosity, it's anybody's guess what was going through his/her mind but decent tuning certainly wasn't it.

Ok.....this one isn't nearly as bad as the first but it's still pretty damn ghetto. Who in their right mind would take a VW Jetta and put the side panels and front end of an Escalade on it? WHO?! I guess I'm not the only one perplexed by this one then. Idiot could've at least raised the car a lil' so that it MIGHT not look as bad. Aw who am I kidding there's no saving this one either.

Now I'm more of a BMW fan than Benz, but dammit this is shameful. That body kit is ugly as all hell, and wtf is up with the gold rims? Hmmm.....somebody's trying to emulate Slick Rick I take it. Nova's rule of thumb, if the car is worth more than 25K, don't do this kinda shit to it. Actually, scratch that, don't do this to ANY car.

HOORAY! WE'VE GOT ANOTHER SHITVIC! Now don't get me wrong, I've got nothing against Civics (the 2006 models are especially nice) but why is it that these cars are more often than not warped into freaks of nature by half-assed tuners? I don't claim to be the best at tuning out cars, but dammit if you're gonna do it at least put some effort into it. I'm not even gonna start on the damn bumble-bee color scheme.

Well, well. This actually could've been a nice looking vehicle if it weren't for that stupid looking front-end on the body kit. Way to go buddy! Your ride just went from suga to shit!

Aight now that my eyes hurt like hell from those buckets, here's what tuned cars SHOULD look like. (I'll have an engine pic or two here as well)

Ok I've never been a fan of Lambo doors, but even still this Celica was done well. Hopefully it's not "all show and no go." But even if it is, kudos to whoever customized this car.

Here folks is one NICE looking Evo VIII. For those who don't know that means Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution VIII. With an exterior like that, I can only imagine what's been done to the engine and powertrain.

I don't care for that loud-ass lime/kiwi green color, but nonetheless this is how a tuner car should look unless it's a sleeper. Nothin' says lovin' like a hooked-up Integra.

Originally I was gonna put some parts that every tuned car should have in its engine somewhere but fuck it this post is running longer than expected so here are some examples of what properly tuned engines may look like.

I don't remember what car this engine came out of, I just know it was a Honda. But this should give you an idea of how different a tuned engine looks from a stock one.

Last but not least. This one's for all you Neon drivers out there (sticking my tongue out at Jia). While there's certainly nothing wrong with the SRT4, I personally am terrified at the thought of a Neon with roughly 230HP. That just screams suicide to me.

Criminals are fuckin' STUPID

2005-10-20T09:50:00.000-07:00

Am I the only one that wonders what the hell is going through the minds of many of the morons who commit various crimes? I'mean shit, I've seen everything from dumbasses locking themselves in the safe room to some moron robbing a convenience store in a bra (courtesy of World's Dumbest Criminals). But really, did these fuckin' fools even think out the shit they decided to do? The following are a few random tidbits illustrating that they probably didn't.

Cocaine is one helluva drug
Drug-possession defendant Christopher Johns, on trial in March in Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant. The prosecutor said the officer
didn't need a warrant because a "bulge" in Christopher's jacket could have been a gun. Nonsense, said Christopher, who happened to be wearing the same jacket that day in court. He handed it over so the judge could see it. The judge discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket and laughed so hard he required a five-minute recess to
compose himself.

Check out THIS emmy-award winner:
The Belgium news agency Belga reported in November that a man suspected of robbing a jewelry store in Liege said he couldn't have done it because he was busy breaking into a school at the same time. Police then arrested him for breaking into the school.

Are you KIDDING me?:
45 year-old Amy Brasher was arrested in San Antonio, Texas, after a mechanic reported to police that 18 packages of marijuana were packed in the engine compartment of the car which she had brought to the mechanic for an oil change. According to police, Brasher later said that she didn't realize that the mechanic would have to raise the hood to change the oil.

Full of shit....literally:
When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

Grandma ain't playin':
Police in Smyrna, Georgia, charged a woman with assault after she used her meal as a weapon. Beverly Anne Campbell was allegedly driving in the wrong direction on a one-way street on September 23 when a police officer ordered her to stop. According to media reports, the 61-year-old woman, who had just left a party at a local community center, threw a plate of chicken wings at the officer, hit him in the neck with a two-liter bottle of Coke and then pummeled his face with her fists. She also attempted to incite onlookers to help her with her assault. Campbell was arrested and charged with misdemeanor battery and felony assault on a police officer, and a misdemeanor charge of inciting a riot, the reports said. The police officer is still recovering from his injuries.

Naked nutcase:
Ok this nutjob has struck at least 6 times and each time in the vicinity of Spartanburg, SC. Dimebag and I call this fruitcake "The Naked Tickler." In each reported incident, this guy broke into an elderly couples' home butt-naked, tied the couple up, tickled their feet and fled the scene. Uh.....yeah, will somebody PLEASE get this mothafucka in a straight-jacket ASAP?!

Meme about me

2005-10-18T22:58:00.000-07:00

It's late and I'm tired so I'm gonna swing on Jia's ovaries for this one. (Ducks to avoid Jia's left hook for jacking this idea from her blog)

Last...
Movie you watched: I think it was Roll Bounce
Movie you bought: Batman Begins

Song you listened to: Colors by Crossfade
CD you bought: Red Light District
CD you listened to: Stillmatic
Person you've called: Dimebag
Person that's called you: Dad
TV show you watched: CNN Headline News

Do...
You have a crush on someone: Nah, I'm chillin'.......
You wish you could live somewhere else: Yeah, I wanna move back to NC or to VA but Uncle Sam is ultimately gonna make that decision for me
You believe in online dating: Why not? It's no different than meeting someone in the club
Others find you attractive: I've been told so
You want more piercings: Don't have any and don't want any.....my two tats are enough
You like roller coasters: I used to love 'em when I was younger. But now I'm gettin' to the point that my body can't handle the stress as well as it used to
You write in cursive or print: Usually print

For or Against...
Long distance relationships: It depends on the situation really. My ex and I had to call it quits because we had too many outside responsibilities to keep up a long-distance thing. But at least she and I are still good friends. :)
People
Gay/lesbian relationships: Get in where you fit in.
Have you...
Ever cried over a boy: When one of my homeboys got killed
Ever cried over a girl: Once or twice
Ever lied to someone: EVERYONE is guilty of this
Ever been in a fist fight: Yeah I've been in a few

What..
Shampoo do you use: Nizoral
Shoes do you wear: Sneakers or dress shoes (when necessary)
Are you scared of: My loved ones being hurt or killed. I've never much been afraid of something happening to me, but it terrifies me to think of something bad happening to a loved one. Oh and I get uneasy when people are standing behind me. If you're not in front of me or in my peripheral I feel vulnerable.

Number..
of times you've been in love: twice
I have had my heart broken: twice
of hearts I have broken: I dunno, hopefully I haven't broken any
of things in my past that I regret: I have a few things but don't recall and exact number

Do you think you are..
Attractive: Yeah
Funny: Absolutely
Hot: Doesn't this technically fall under attractive?
Friendly: I actually pretty reserved until I get to know you. But once I do......oh hell
Amusing: Yup
Ugly: Nah, can't claim that one
Loveable: I can be very loveable
Caring: Very much so
Sweet: Kinda, sorta, not really
Dorky: Oh hell yeah I'm not even gonna lie about this one

Favorite..
4 letter word: Shit
Actor/Actress: Al Pacino, Denzel Washington, Angela Bassett, the list goes on...
Cartoon: Yeah I'm an anime fan, but I can't really say any one series/movie is my favorite
Cereal: Total Raisin Bran
Chewing gum: I rarely chew gum
Color(s): Carolina Blue, Dark Blue, Black and Red
Day of the week: It's Saturday! (sticky, icky, icky)
Least fave day: Mondays suck
Flower: Don't care much for 'em
Jelly flavor: I gotta go with classic grape
Jewelry: Does my watch count?
Summer/Winter: Winter any day dammit! I can always cover up, but there's only so much I can take off without getting arrested

Other info..
Do you speak any other languages: Ich spreche etwas Deutsches y un poco del Español
Thing in your bedroom you like: My bed
Your nickname(s): Nova, D, The Phantom, Henchman
How old do you look: People usually think I'm 25-27
How old do you act: Anywhere from 15-45 (shrugs)
Glasses/contacts: Neither
Braces: Never needed 'em
Do you have any pets: Cocoa, she's half doberman, half greyhound
You get embarassed: Hardly ever
What makes you happy: Finishing what I start
What upsets you: Seeing hungry kids and liars

Ok that's enough for tonight. I'm tired and I'm out...

Just another night in Mac-town

2005-10-17T17:26:00.000-07:00

Well, well tonight has certainly been an interesting fuckin' night. Truth is, some of the shit I saw on my way back to my place earlier is still in that shit's still sinking in category. For anyone who's never been to Macon GA, lemme say that I've seen more traumatic shit here than ANYWHERE in ATL or back home in Charlotte. With that said, here's a few of the more "eye-catching" things I had the displeasure of witnessing today.

Crackhead
Anyone who's visited the great city of Mac-town has likely run into some of our local commodity.....CRACKHEADS! And the great thing is that here we've got 'em in all shapes and sizes dammit. No Tyrone Biggums stereotypes around here, if the ethnic background exists then dammit we've got someone from that ethnicity here that's a crack-fiend. What was special about tonight is that the guy who asked me for "75 cents for a cappuccino" was a brotha with a British accent. I politely declined and continued on my way but thought to myself, "Damn dude......you came to America just to get strung tha fuck out?" I also noticed one using a trashcan for a toilet once, but I'm not even gonna dwell on that.

Waxin' the pole
Now this was something that could very well traumatize anyone. Just after nightfall I woke up from a nap and decided I'd go downtown to Nu-way and grab a few slaw dogs. I figured that I could use a little air to help get over this cold I'm fighting so I went on foot. On the way back, I believe it was right across the street from city hall, I look over to my right and see something that absolutely MORTIFIES me. Some guy is standing under a streetlight, pants around his ankles, apparently on a cell phone, and to quote Charlie Murphy, beatin' his dick like it owed 'em money. What's even worse is the fact that the guy looked over, saw me standing there momentarily frozen in horror and disgust.......and...kept....on....goin'. All I can say is "Welcome to Macon muhfucka."

You want a date?
Ahhh hookers, truely a testament to the saying "What's looks good ain't always good for ya." To hell with that, the hookers that I've seen around here don't look worth shit. I'mean really, is somebody actually PAYING the crackheads and heroin-fiends for "special attention?" And if so, then WHO?! I actually saw two of 'em gettin' picked up by some poor dummy just up the street as I neared my apartment complex. To the guy in that car, "Buddy I hope 3 minutes of sex is worth all the diseases you'll likely come into contact with messing with those two." But hey, I'm not gonna knock a dude who picks up hookers, you'll just never catch ME doin' it.

Thoughts on the drunken Frat boy

2005-10-15T07:38:00.000-07:00

With graduation being just one semester away, lately I've been doing a lot of reflecting on my years as a college undergrad. Given that I tend to be such a workaholic at times there wasn't too terribly much to reflect on, but one thing did quickly come to mind. Drunken frat boys were some of the most if not the most interesting/amusing people I've ever seen in my damn life. Before I divulge some of my experiences, here's a link that kinda sums up what I think about when I think about college fraternities:

Drunken Frat Boy

1. My roommate sophomore year is a guy I affectionately call Trash. He's a good guy but that year was rock-bottom for him as far as drinking went. There was one night that I was heading back across campus to our apartment and I saw him standing in the middle of the Greek village staring, apparently in utter confusion, at his cell phone. It was pretty clear that he was drunk so I thought I'd walk up to him and offer 'em a ride back to the room since I was parked nearby. I get near 'em and he turns to me and says, "NOVA! I'm s-happy t'see you man.....Giv' ride back 'partment?" I shit you not, in a drunken slur those where his exact words. After laughing at 'em hysterically I gave his drunken behind a ride.
2. Another guy I know is a dude I call Big Benj. One night I'm in the lab working on a program and I get a call from him askin' me to drop through his Frat's house for some booze. Not being one to turn down some good free liquor on a Saturday night I took my happy ass over there. About an hour or two into the drinking I'm feeling a good buzz and suddenly everyone's wondering where the hell Big Benj wandered off to. I look outside and his ass is face-down, passed out and naked in the Frat house backyard. Hopefully nobody got a pic of him lookin' like a drunken beached whale.
3. This incident involved a guy who was also a cadet with me back during my freshman and sophomore years, I'll call 'em KH. One night I'm leaving the campus gym and I see him and one of his frat brothers stumbling around in my direction. When they get near me KH is all hugs and handshakes sayin', "Y'see this right here is a good dude. Normally I'd fight anybody drunk but Nova's good people and he'd beat my ass whether I'm drunk or sober." He then continued on his way and vomited in the nearby bushes.
4. Aight this last one is involving Trash again. As with the first scenario, this one also took place when we were roommates. Early one Wednesday morning (early meaning 2:30 a.m.) I'm up working on a program and he's passed out drunk on the couch in his boxers. (It should be noted that Trash has trouble finding a toilet when he's drunk.) After laughing my ass off at him mumbling incoherently in his sleep for what had to be 15 minutes, I look over in his direction and noticed him getting up. He mumbles, "I gotta piss" and then stumbles over to his surge protector. To tell ya the truth, I was tempted to let 'em piss on it just so I could get one hellified bout of laughter out of it. Unfortunately, after watching him contemplate whether or not the surge protector was the toilet for about a minute or two I directed him toward the bathroom.
And there are just a few of my experiences with the drunken frat boy. If you're ever bored and in need of entertainment, find a white frat boy, give 'em a shitload of beer or liquor and let the fun begin.

Things NOT to say to blacks...or any minority for that matter

2005-10-14T07:56:00.000-07:00

After a lengthy conversation last night with a former roommate of mine it has become painfully clear to me that many whites simply have no fuckin' idea how to conduct themselves when addressing blacks or minorities in general. The following is a short list of things NOT to say or do. If you don't have any minority friends...you should DEFINITELY pay attention.
1. What are you? - Granted I'm high yellow and could see how people MIGHT have a slight degree of difficulty telling that I'm black, but dammit don't look at me like I'm some kinda fuckin' genetic anomaly and ask that ignorant shit. And hell, if you can't tell by looking at the person's skin then dammit look at their features. I may have a ricanesque complexion but last I checked I had the nose and full lips of a black person.
2. Can I touch your hair? - Do I look like I'm in a gotdamned petting zoo? If you wouldn't ask someone you know that question then what in the HELL makes you think it's ok to ask that of a complete stranger? To anyone (mostly whites) who ask this ridiculous question of any minority, don't be surprised if you get a nasty response. The rule of thumb is if you would be offended by it, others probably will be too.
3. I have (insert # here) black friends - Uh.....maybe it's just me but if you actually keep track of how many black friends you have then the odds are you have next to none if any. Not only that, but you come off as pretty racist if you know how many friends you have of a particular minority group right off the top of your head.
4. Why do blacks (insert ridiculous assumption here)? - Hmmm.........last I checked I wasn't the damn voice for my entire race so it's probably a good idea to assume that I don't have the fuckin' answer to this one. In fact, I always thought that one person could really only speak for him/herself, so expecting one person to be the mouthpiece for a shitload is just damned ridiculous.
5. I think affirmative action is just reverse discrimination. - Ahh...don't ya just love hearing what's likely the only reason we blacks get anything close to a fair shake being torn down? Ok ok, yeah discrimination and playing favorites isn't right blah blah blah, but dammit without affirmative action there'd be a LOT more qualified blacks out of work simply because white america is so "intimidated" by the darker race.
6. Racism isn't an issue in America anymore. - HUH?! WHAT THE FUCK COUNTRY ARE YOU LIVIN' IN DIPSHIT?! Granted, I haven't had to deal with anywhere near the level of racism that my grandparents had to, but I've been called a nigger on more than one occassion and last I checked that shit was racism. Hell I go outta my way to avoid using racial slurs for anyone simply because I know how bad that shit feels to be called something so derogatory.
7. I don't see what the fuss is about, minorities have had the same rights as whites. - Wow....just...wow. Is that so huh? Maybe it says that shit on paper but hell that only changed within the past 40 years. Call me crazy but when the founding fathers drew up the Constitution I always thought it was simply taking into account white land-owning males. And if I recall correctly wasn't it blacks and asians who worked like Hebrew slaves on the Transcontinental Railroad? Minorities have it just as good as whites my ass.
8. Why do blacks want slave reparations? - Call me crazy, but I personally think that the only thing we as blacks are owed in this country is a fair shake that we'll sadly never likely get. Reparations? There's no way in hell you could put a dollar amount on the shit that was done to our ancestors. And besides, like BruthaCode said, that money would get pissed away so Ray-Ray could get high/drunk and put new rims on his hooptie.
Lemme get off this soapbox. There you have it folks, a few things that you REALLY shouldn't say or do around blacks or anyone who isn't white for that matter.

2 crushes on me that I can do without

2005-10-13T10:20:00.000-07:00

Okay, anybody who's known me for a while knows that I'm not one to toot my own horn but I've just GOTTA put this one out there. It's come to my attention that two people that I know about through friends of mine have a crush on me and, suffice to say, I'm uh..............much less than interested. I'm gonna add the disclaimer now, this topic is NOT work safe by any means!
1. I decided I'd holla at my homeboy Cosa since I've got time to kill before class today but apparently that was gonna be a decision that I'd regret. See Cosa's cousin (let's call her BR) has seen a picture of me and apparently now has a thing for me cuz I'm high-yella. Evidently wherever Cosa was when I called, BR was there too, here's how that call went:
Me:Hey Cosa what's goins on man?
BR:Who dis is?
Me:(pausing in terror at the voice I just heard)
BR:Who dis is? You wanna talk to Scoota? (Scoota is Cosa's nickname)
Me:Uh.....that's aight. Just tell 'em to return my call if you would please. (click)
Ok....now here's the reason that call went the way it did. That girl's voice made me sound like a GOTDAMN SOPRANO! I'mean my voice isn't as deep as Barry White's but it's still on the deep side and my shit ain't got a thing on hers. (shudders) Seriously, I could picture BR man-handling and raping a brotha, and that's coming from a die-hard military brat who's known for never backing down. Needless to say, Cosa's my boy but we can't hang if BR is around.
2. This one traces back to good ol' Dimebag. See there's this guy he went to highschool with, I'll just call him CM. Aight before I go any further I'm just gonna say that I have nothing against anyone based on your sexuality, as long as you don't try to push up on me then dammit we cool. Apparently in Dimebag's stash of photos of him and his homeboys, there's one of me tumbling forward as I bend over to pick something up. This would be perfectly harmless BUT....a.) CM saw the picture, b.) CM is a gay pre-op tranny, c.) I have what my homegirls and some females I don't even know affectionally call "The Onion" (must've been highschool track and the martial arts but aye, the ladies seem to like it so I'm not complainin'). Imagine the look of terror in my eyes when I get word from Dimebag that CM saw that pic, loved what he saw and despite Dimebag telling him that I'm straight....THAT NUT still wants to try to holla. I swear I sometimes envy people who don't have this kinda weird shit happen to 'em.

That's NOT the sample they wanted dumbass!

2005-10-12T23:14:00.000-07:00

I just got off the phone with my homeboy Dimebag and something occurred to me....my friend is one CRAZY motherfucka! (cracking my knuckles) Ok, Dimebag graduated from my college a year ago and since his parents are in their 70s he's been looking for an IT gig close to home back in SC. He hasn't had any luck with that so he bit the bullet and used his second major (Mech Engineering) to get a new job. Earlier today he had to go in and get a physical for the job in question. Y'know how it is, height & weight, blood pressure and all that. However, here's where shit gets interesting. The nurse apparently handed him a cup and told him that they needed a sample. Bear in mind, MOST people would probably know that the cup is meant for urine. But oh no not Dimebag. It turns out he took his ass into the bathroom and MASTURBATED into the damned cup! That's right folks, no urine from Dimebag he decided to give them "knuckle babies." I just wish I could've been there to see the look on that poor nurse's face when he came back in the room with a cup full of his "children." Dime claimed that he was pretty embarassed when he found out that she meant a urine sample, but somehow I don't buy that one. As they say, "You can bullshit a stranger, but you can't bullshit your homeboys."

Here I am world.....

2005-10-12T22:57:00.000-07:00

After taking the suggestions of a few friends of mine, I've decided to create my own little corner on the world-wide web. As far as subject matter is concerned, I think the title of my blog says it all. Don't come here expecting anything less than the completely random. :)