Newsflash: I'm an asshole!
Fucked up quote of the day: "I bet she'd easily get in thanks to her oral skills though. Seriously man, something tells me the football team knows her on a first-name basis." - Me talkin' about this REALLY dumb broad who I'm trying to tutor for the ASVAB. My recruiter said she wasn't the sharpest tack but SHIT, there's NO reason to have trouble with basic multiplication tables as a damned senior in highschool. (kicks rocks)
Now spinning: "Colors" by Crossfade
When I'm not working out, cussing enough to make a Vietnam vet blush, downloading enough free porn to fill a damned Bat-Cave, playing video games 'til my brains leak outta my ears or in the kitchen doing my black Emeril impression, one can find me being an overtly blunt and, at times, obscene muhfucker. No I don't mean obscene as in running around outside naked touching myself, moreso in the "HOLY SHIT DID HE JUST SAY THAT?!" sense. Over the years I've gotten a bit better about saying the first thing that comes to my mind, but there's still those times when I let loose and then think, "Hmmmm.........maybe I shouldn't have said that. Oh well, fuck it."
The lunchroom incident - This little uh....faux paus occured back in 9th grade. See, me and some of the boys were grubbin' and Johnny decides to tell us about this chick who he's tryin' to get at. Problem is....ol' girl was an UBER-SLUT. So he's giving us the spill on how the were basically kissing and groping at a recent pool party, while simultaneously making me wanna hurl, when two of our female friends sit down with us and ask what we're talking about. Me being the honest and often tactless bastard that I am, I turned to them and immediately said, "Ah just some hoe Johnny wants to fuck..." Yeah....bad choice of words, I know. It was HILARIOUS to see everyone's reaction though. Johnny stormed off from the table pissed off, he got over it by the next day, and Eddie looks at me while laughing hysterically and asks, "Man could you POSSIBLY have said that any MORE bluntly?" Hey, dammit I didn't tell them about what went on at the pool party he told us about so the shit COULD have been worse.
Roommate from hell - I don't think anyone who knew my roommate during my freshman year of college can blame me, but I was blunt with this asshole, even for me. Lemme put it into context folks, this guy seriously thought he was God's gift to women. And dude has the NERVE to tell me he's more buff than I am. (slams on the brakes) I was like, "Muhfucker you're PUFFY! There's a big damn difference between puffy and buff! And while we're at it, negroe you go to the gym and bench 225 lbs. 3 times like you did some shit while I go in there and bang out 4 sets of 4 with it. How 'bout you bite my ass?!" M'boy David overheard that lil' outburst and uh....he was quite amused. There's a lot of other hateful things I said to this bonified shithead but dammit he deserved every bit of it. I hope he fails at life. :D
PR? Are you fuckin' serious? - I had a conversation with a good friend about my decision to go into the Navy and eventually retire as an NCO (Non-Commissioned Officer i.e. upper-level enlisted). It was funny because halfway through the conversation he said he saw me as a Warrant Officer. See the thing about Warrant Officers is that they do their job but are, for the most part, outside the chain of command. I'mean, I see his point cuz I am kinda like that but being that I'm a natural leader I think I can do some good being in the chain. But when he told me that it'd be funny to see me as a PR Warrant Officer, my reaction was, "Who in the FUCK told you THAT'D be a good idea? I'd do LESS damage with my finger on the button of a nuclear warhead! D'you know how many people I'd likely piss off in a fuckin' WEEK?!" I've got such a way with words.
Now spinning: "Colors" by Crossfade
When I'm not working out, cussing enough to make a Vietnam vet blush, downloading enough free porn to fill a damned Bat-Cave, playing video games 'til my brains leak outta my ears or in the kitchen doing my black Emeril impression, one can find me being an overtly blunt and, at times, obscene muhfucker. No I don't mean obscene as in running around outside naked touching myself, moreso in the "HOLY SHIT DID HE JUST SAY THAT?!" sense. Over the years I've gotten a bit better about saying the first thing that comes to my mind, but there's still those times when I let loose and then think, "Hmmmm.........maybe I shouldn't have said that. Oh well, fuck it."
The lunchroom incident - This little uh....faux paus occured back in 9th grade. See, me and some of the boys were grubbin' and Johnny decides to tell us about this chick who he's tryin' to get at. Problem is....ol' girl was an UBER-SLUT. So he's giving us the spill on how the were basically kissing and groping at a recent pool party, while simultaneously making me wanna hurl, when two of our female friends sit down with us and ask what we're talking about. Me being the honest and often tactless bastard that I am, I turned to them and immediately said, "Ah just some hoe Johnny wants to fuck..." Yeah....bad choice of words, I know. It was HILARIOUS to see everyone's reaction though. Johnny stormed off from the table pissed off, he got over it by the next day, and Eddie looks at me while laughing hysterically and asks, "Man could you POSSIBLY have said that any MORE bluntly?" Hey, dammit I didn't tell them about what went on at the pool party he told us about so the shit COULD have been worse.
Roommate from hell - I don't think anyone who knew my roommate during my freshman year of college can blame me, but I was blunt with this asshole, even for me. Lemme put it into context folks, this guy seriously thought he was God's gift to women. And dude has the NERVE to tell me he's more buff than I am. (slams on the brakes) I was like, "Muhfucker you're PUFFY! There's a big damn difference between puffy and buff! And while we're at it, negroe you go to the gym and bench 225 lbs. 3 times like you did some shit while I go in there and bang out 4 sets of 4 with it. How 'bout you bite my ass?!" M'boy David overheard that lil' outburst and uh....he was quite amused. There's a lot of other hateful things I said to this bonified shithead but dammit he deserved every bit of it. I hope he fails at life. :D
PR? Are you fuckin' serious? - I had a conversation with a good friend about my decision to go into the Navy and eventually retire as an NCO (Non-Commissioned Officer i.e. upper-level enlisted). It was funny because halfway through the conversation he said he saw me as a Warrant Officer. See the thing about Warrant Officers is that they do their job but are, for the most part, outside the chain of command. I'mean, I see his point cuz I am kinda like that but being that I'm a natural leader I think I can do some good being in the chain. But when he told me that it'd be funny to see me as a PR Warrant Officer, my reaction was, "Who in the FUCK told you THAT'D be a good idea? I'd do LESS damage with my finger on the button of a nuclear warhead! D'you know how many people I'd likely piss off in a fuckin' WEEK?!" I've got such a way with words.
posted by Nova at 8:24 PM
1 Comments:
You'd be surprised how many people got that far in their "education" and still don't know jack shit. Bluntness is not always a problem, some people need a dose of reality every now and again.
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